the career change i never imagined

on saturday i started a new job as a hostess at a tranny "show pub".

maybe you've never heard of this type of establishment before, or maybe you're wondering if i'm sex worker?

so let me clear up any confusion.


the place:

i'm not sure what to compare it to because i've never been to a place like this before.

the pub floor is a large room with a bunch of tables. the seating all faces the stage area, which includes the far end of the room and a runway that extends through the middle of the pub floor.

at each table there's a simple bar with whiskey, shochu, and hennessy along with water, tea, and ice.

there are several shows each night (though the content doesn't change much). the shows are a series of dance numbers, ranging from sexy to cute, and shocking to hilarious.

the job:

the hostesses dance in the shows. in heels (eek!). the dance numbers included a girl's generation k-pop dance, a gangnam style parody, and an akb48 dance, to name a few.

having only worked one day so far, i don't do the dancing yet. but they introduce me as the new girl at the end of each show.

in between shows, we sit with the customers, have a chat, pour their drinks, and light their cigarettes. the conversations go in a lot of directions, but one common topic is transsexuality (childhood, coming out, surgeries, etc.).

and the customers aren't exclusively men. about 20% were women last time.


that's the basics of it anyway. one part dancing, one part hostessing, and one part looking pretty.

here's me after my 8-hour shift (i got home at 4:15am!):

orchiectomy: part 5 - surgery & the aftermath

i'm alive!

i went into the clinic yesterday just before 3pm. i gave the receptionist a signed consent form and forked out the cash (¥105000) for the surgery. she then gave me the meds i'd be taking after surgery (an antibiotic, an anti-inflammatory, and some pain pills).

then i went into an examination room, had my blood pressure taken, and stripped down before being led into the operating room. on the operating table the doctor gave me a gas mask to administer the anesthetic. it tasted (smelled?) awful.

and the next moment i heard someone say the surgery was over. i was lying in the same position, my mouth was full of gross-tasting saliva, and i couldn't move any part my body. i successful gurgled out the word つば ("tsuba" - saliva), and the doctor gave me a tissue to spit into. somehow i rolled off the operating table onto a stretcher bed and was wheeled off to another room.

in said other room, i slowly regained the ability to move my limbs, and i drifted in and out of sleep for the next hour and a half. then around 6pm my friend showed up, and we took a cab back. i felt a little sore, so i was walking pretty gingerly at that point.

my roommate went out and got me oden (yummy boiled food in broth, eaten with mustard), and after some light tv watching, i went to bed around 9pm.

on day two i felt a lot more swollen and sore. it's the kind of feeling you have about shortly after getting kicked in the groin—that vague, throbbing lower-abdominal pain. the meds helped a bit. i stayed inside all day, mostly just watching dexter and sleeping. and now i'm about to go to bed. hopefully.

let's hope day three shows some improvement!

orchiectomy: part 4 - let's do this!

my surgery is just about an hour from now. so i'm gonna write this post and then head out the door.

i'm a little nervous, but that's normal, right?

and i'm really hungry. i wish surgery didn't require skipping meals.

in other news, my doctor (not my orchiectomy surgeon) sent me an apology letter of sorts, and now we're back together.

we'll have a face-to-face in a week and a half. hopefully there'll be no more of him breaking up with me.

starting now

thanks to this blog, i have a new motto:

let's translate that as "not tomorrow—NOW". i guess you could think of it as "don't procrastinate" or something.

but in combating my chronic procrastination, i'm not focusing on those usual projects with due dates (homework, taxes, work assignments, etc.). instead i'm thinking about two other types of things:

1- things i should do every day

good habits are hard to build. exercise, proper diet, hygiene, self improvement. to fully enjoy the benefits of these activities, they must become habits.

so let's say you want to exercise regularly. you might be able to squeeze in a jog tonight, but you also want to relax and watch the daily show. you could always just start jogging tomorrow, right?

i suppose you could. but you might also just make excuses for yourself tomorrow too. you don't know what tomorrow will bring—now is the only time you have control over.

things i should do every day? i'll try to do 'em now.


2- things i should do while i have the chance

you might not always live where you live now. you might not always know who you know now. don't let the opportunities of the moment become another woulda coulda shoulda.

so go try out that restaurant, invite out a friend, check something off your bucket list.

i don't know about you, but i'm really good at making excuses for not doing cool things. i'm going to try to break out of that.

when?

明日じゃなくて、今すぐ！

(thanks, misaki!)

orchiectomy: part 3 - the pre-op break-up

so my doctor broke up with me today. i told him about my plans to get an orchiectomy, and he dumped me.

(this is my gender specialist doctor. obviously not the one who's doing my orchi)

i was totally not expecting that kind of response. i felt completely blindsided.

after listening to my reasons for wanting an orchiectomy, he told me that i was foolish and that he wouldn't treat patients that were selfish like me. and he told me not to come back. and he made me feel like complete shit.

one of the nurses consoled me a bit afterward (i assume she either overheard or could just tell by looking at my face). the nurses are nice, at least.

so, i guess i need a new doctor.

this is good though. because i wouldn't want a doctor like that operating on me in the future anyway.

i don't need a doctor who will throw me away simply because i disagree with his vision for my future.

i DO need a doctor who cares about me, and cares about my goals and my needs. not one who insists on everything being done according to their narrow, one-size-fits-all viewpoint.

</rant>

orchiectomy: part 2 - my thoughts

let's take a brief look inside my head.

WHY i've chosen to get an orchiectomy:

1. i'm hoping to have SRS someday, and this is an affordable first step
2. this would allow me to stop taking anti-androgen medication, so...
3. ...i can save money on meds, and...
4. ...my liver will be happier for it
5. it'll be easier to fit into gender appropriate clothing
6. some states would allow me to change my legal gender afterward

the deeper reasons (why i want SRS, why i'm taking a-a pills now, why i want to change my legal gender) are probably answered elsewhere.


in other news, i made a new japanese blog (and i won't be doing any more japanese posts here). link on the left!

orchiectomy: part 1 - the consultation

it's official. i'm kicking the lads out. they've overstayed their welcome, so now it's time to go.

last week i met with a doctor and scheduled an orchiectomy. here's a breakdown of the visit:


i arrived at the clinic and filled out a form—not so unusual for a first visit. i had about a five-minute wait, and then the doctor called me in.

it started with some of the usual getting-to-know-you stuff. then we moved on to the pertinent questions.


doctor "why do you want an orchiectomy?"

sami "well, i've been taking anti-androgens for almost two years now and—"

doctor "oh, gotcha. because after an orchiectomy you wouldn't have to take them anymore."

doctor "so when do you want to get it done?"

sami "how about december? like around the 29th?"

doctor "we're all booked up then. what about something in this neighborhood?"

he waved his hand around early december.

sami "can we do the 17th?"

doctor "great. you're scheduled for 3pm."

at this point, i still hadn't asked any of my burning questions. so i figured i should give it a go before any more lightning fast decisions got made.

sami "how much will it be?"

doctor "i'll give you a special discount: ¥105000." (normally it costs about ¥150000)

sami "the surgery lasts about 30 minutes?"

doctor "yup. oh and you can't drive yourself home. you live close?"

sami "yeah, i walked here."

doctor "hmm. i guess that works."

sami "or i could take a cab?"

doctor "of course."

sami "is there anything special i need to do to prepare for surgery?"

doctor "the receptionist will brief you on that. but first we'll need to do some blood work today."

yay! surprise needles!!


he was actually quite a nice guy—and really easy to talk to. he was just...a little faster than i had expected (^o^)

the surprise blood work set me back another ¥10000, bringing the total cost to ¥115000 (roughly $1400).

stay tuned for part 2!