further thoughts

i didn't really dive too deeply into my beliefs, so i'll give you a bit more. here's a tanuki belief sampler (i.e. this list is not exhaustive):

i believe...
1. people are more important than possessions.
-one time, someone spilled beer on my laptop. getting angry wouldn't have solved anything, but it could have hurt the relationship. computers are replaceable. people aren't.

2. in living in harmony with nature.
-nature operates in cycles—give and take. as a species we're out of harmony with nature. let's give as much as we take.

3. in respect.
-respect your own body, respect other people, respect animals, respect life, respect the earth itself. don't be an asshole to anyone or anything.

4. honesty is usually the best policy.
-lies can be hurtful. so can secrets. avoid them as much as possible. when truth hurts, it should be delivered delicately.

5. murder is unjust.
-microwaving cats and squashing spiders are forms of murder.

6. in leaving the world a better place than it was when you found it.
-be a force for good in the world.

7. sexual preference has nothing to do with right and wrong.
-an ideal relationship is founded on mutual love and respect. i fail to see how loving homosexual relationships are bad and cold heterosexual ones are good.

8. beliefs should never be forced on anyone.
-not by guilt, not by fear. if only byu (my alma mater) felt the same way.

i realize some of these don't exactly seem like religious/spiritual beliefs. that's fine. for me they are.

internets! & some thoughts on spirituality/religion

finally have an internet connection at home. i am happy ^_^

my brother sent me a book called the power of now, that i just started reading yesterday. favorite quote thus far:

all the things that truly matter—beauty, love, creativity, joy, inner peace—arise from beyond the mind.

i've noticed a lot of overlap between tolle's (the author) ideas and taoism. which reminds me...i need to track down my copy of the tao of pooh (a great introduction to taoism). anyway, i'm looking forward to getting deeper into the book.

so, if i don't identify myself as a mormon anymore, what or where am i spiritually?

recently i was asked, "well, do you still believe in god?" why is that the one important question? am i a better person if i do believe in god? my answer: "i believe in a power beyond what we see—a positive force. is it a man with a beard? i imagine not, but does that really matter? what matters to me is that we all can feel it, have access to it, and are part of it, whether we realize that or not." i prefer not to use the word/name god. it's a judeo-christian word, and my beliefs don't really align with that religious tradition. i lean more towards words like "power", "force", "energy", "life", "light", "current", and sometimes "the tao" (i feel rather taoist from time to time).

a friend of mine recently blogged about the beauty and humility of the phrase "i don't know." i don't claim to know anything with absolute certainty—especially things of a spiritual nature. i can only say that i feel this is the right direction for me at the present. and as i evolve as a person, my beliefs will evolve too.

i won't ever tell you that your beliefs are wrong. how can i judge what's best for you? please do me the same favor. and everyone else, too, while you're at it

revised rehearsal schedule

we've cancelled our last week of shows and changed locations/times of a few others. here's the updated performance schedule for romeo & juliet:

August 27 Pioneer Park, 500 W Center Street, Provo 7 pm
August 28 Memorial Park @ 800 E and Center Street, Provo 7 pm
August 30 Memorial Park @ 800 E and Center Street, Provo 7 pm
Sept 2 the Duck Pond @ 800 N, BYU 7 pm
Sept 3 the Duck Pond @ 800 N, BYU 7 pm
Sept 4 Pioneer Park, 500 W Center Street, Provo 7 pm
Sept 6 Memorial Park @ 800 E and Center Street, Provo 7 pm

a poem related to 大変！

the following poem went through a few drafts. it may go through a few more. ^_^


is it safe? can i open my eyes?

the soft glow of the moon—she lies asleep across the room

should i look, uninvited as i am?

my eyes darken...
darken...
i dream
life takes root where darkness reigned

has it been hours, or just minutes?

her face is the morning sun

asleep, still, retaining all her lunar beauty

yet now filled with a playful vitality

maybe i can look

大変！

好きな人がいる。メッグと言うんだ。 ^_^ ありえないほど好きかな。ニューヨーク出身の美しい女優で、深くて元気な娘だ。それに、相性がいい感じ。

しかし、再来週ニューヨークに帰っちゃうって。告白しても無駄だね。もう会えないかもね。

the end of an era

so now i sit in anticipation. in three days i'll find out whether or not i'm a college graduate.

have i been careful enough? i could have been spotted entering provo's liquor store or bar. i've walked out of smith's and walmart, booze-in-hand, in broad daylight. i drink coffee on campus. my hair is about 7 months too long. i haven't been to church in about 11 months. i went to the pride festival in salt lake. (nb: these are all things that could get me suspended or kicked out of byu.) maybe least careful of all—i'm blogging this.

in three days, if all goes well, i'll be able to openly admit that i've parted ways with mormonism—the faith, the culture, and the organization. i'm glad this charade is coming to an end.

it would be nice to be open about other things as well. but should i tell people up front that i'm transgender and somewhere on the bisexual spectrum? are those things better kept private? sexuality can be kept private, for sure. but transitioning (living as a female) is a bit too obvious. but as long as i continue presenting myself as male, no one really knows unless i tell them.

under the iron rule of byu, "coming out" was never an option. but now that those days are quickly drawing to a close, i for the first time in my life have that option. this will take some more soul-searching.

i have free time?

i'm done with school. one of my jobs ends next thursday. romeo and juliet ends in about three weeks. i'm confronted with an odd conundrum: i have free time. now, to figure out what to do...

i could get back into songwriting. or start on that big pile of books i've been meaning to read. rekindle old friendships. catch up on sleep. ooo—i could actually cook for a change! ahh, the possibilities!

makeover makeover!

is it an improvement? i'd like to think so. i've spent the last 5 hours designing it. the page "about tanuki" was a post from last week. i haven't written the equivalent japanese page (タヌキって誰？) yet.

in other news, romeo & juliet is going well. performances are in full swing, and we've been having decent-sized audiences come. the director (aptly named anne shakespeare) has helped me develop a lot as an actor—take more risks on stage, engage the audience, have better posture, etc. so what this play isn't a paying gig. i'm getting free training ^_^

the play

here's the schedule for my upcoming show, romeo & juliet:

August 12 200 S Main Street, Pleasant Grove, 7 pm

August 13 Memorial Park @ 800 E and Center Street, Provo 7 pm
August 14 Provo Farmers Market, 500 W Center Street, Provo 12 noon
August 14 Kiwanis Park, 820 N 1100 E, Provo 7 pm
August 16 Nielson’s Grove, 2000 S Sandhill Road, Orem 7 pm
August 19 Short Version* Orem Library, 58 N State Street, 6:30 pm
August 20 Short Version* 645 E 400 S, Salt Lake City, 6 pm
August 21 Provo Farmers Market, 500 W Center Street, Provo 12 noon
August 21 Pioneer Park, 500 W Center Street, Provo 7 pm
August 28 Memorial Park @ 800 E and Center Street, Provo 7 pm
August 30 A park in Orem that will be announced soon. . .
Sept 2 Outside the south entrance to the Harris Fine Arts Center, BYU, 7 pm
Sept 3 Outside the south entrance to the Harris Fine Arts Center, BYU, 7 pm
Sept 4 Pioneer Park @ 300 S 300 W, Salt Lake City, 9 am
Sept 6 Rock Canyon Park @ 2620 N 1200 E, Provo 7 pm
Sept 9 the Duck Pond @ 800 N, BYU 7 pm
Sept 10 the Duck Pond @ 800 N, BYU 7 pm
Sept 11 Memorial Park @ 800 E and Center Street, Provo 7 pm

whew! we have a lot of performance dates. i pulled the calendar from the theatre company blog. last time i checked, they still hadn't put my bio up yet >_<

oh right. i'm playing paris and lord montague. come check it out!