the day of the dead

i'm not a morbid person. but i've been thinking, if i were to die without leaving any requests regarding my funeral/body what would my family decide on?

here's what they'd probably do:

• hold the funeral in utah.
• have me cremated, but i'm not sure what they'd do with my ashes.
• the funeral would focus on the last few years of my life—on the more honest-with-myself version of me.
• funeral food would include some of my favorite dishes.
• some aspect or two of the funeral would be non-traditional (knowing my family), but it's hard to guess exactly what would be.

here's what i'd like to happen:

• cremated—ashes returned to the earth. anywhere is fine.
• catered dinner party funeral. guests can choose from the following entrees: sushi combo plate, mabo tofu, mushroom & beef stroganoff, carnitas tacos (corn tortillas) w/ guacamole, something vegetarian, something italian.
• talking about me at the funeral is optional.
• if i leave behind money (beyond what's needed to cover funeral costs) it should be put in a big pot. funeral attendees have a chance to win part of the pot by competing in various carnival games.
• during the funeral, my current ipod mix will play on shuffle. remember: it's a dinner party.
• if people want to pour out a cold one for me, i'd prefer it be a sierra nevada pale ale, but any sam adams (aside from samuel adams light) would be acceptable. home brews are ok too. especially if they're named after me.

i think my family knows me pretty well, but there are some key differences between the two lists. but honestly, i'll be dead. how could i possibly care?

happy halloween!

game night

::geek alert::

i have a hobby. or an addiction. every tuesday night, starting as early as 5:00 pm, i play a warcraft 3 mod with a bunch of guys. this mod (dota) is so popular that it has spawned three stand-alone games, with a fourth currently being developed. i've played dota for 3 years now (damn, it's been that long), faithfully attending "game night" every week (even over WAN a few times in japan).

well, it's an awesome game. it's like an RTS (but without the vast army to command and worry about) with some RPG elements (leveling, item collection—not story) that feels like a WoW battleground except it's entirely skilled-based (no twinks). it's my favorite multiplayer game. ever.

this is the load screen (what you see while you wait for the game to load).

it's show time!

uncle vanya (the play i'm stage managing) opens this coming saturday! here are the performance details:

saturday, october 23, 2pm @ byu harris fine arts center, b201
monday, october 25, 7pm @ byu harris fine arts center, b201
wednesday, october 27, 7pm @ byu harris fine arts center, b201
saturday, october 30, 12pm @ orem library

during friday and saturday's rehearsals, i took about 300 pictures with my canon point-and-shoot, and here are my top picks (or pics?):

i took a bunch of shots outside. unfortunately, about half of the backlit ones had major lens flare. but i think this one turned out quite well. from left to right with character names in parentheses: kendal (madame voitskaya), jordan (serebrekov), kat (marina), and jackie (yelena).

telegin recounts his wife's betrayal. from left to right: bryan (vanya), lawrence (telegin), critter (astrov), and kat (marina).

whenever i'm in charge of a camera, a good number of the shots end up being of me.

tanuki been thinkin'...

i have a series of new ideas for life and the blog:

life related:

• watch some japanese tv everyday - i have a lot of yet-to-be-watched anime and j-drama. i also could use the listening practice.

• read something in japanese everyday - i have a shelf of unread manga and other japanese books. again, i could use the reading practice.

• come out as a post-mormon - a lot of people already know i'm not in the lds church anymore, but all too often i let people believe what they want because it's easier. of course, this is only really necessary with people who have always known me as mormon.

• come out as transgender - i've told my family, (now) ex-girlfriends, a few close friends, and the blogosphere. i could facebook status it, but that only handles facebook friends who check their news feed. i'm not yet sure how to be open / clear about who i am to other people without resorting to one-on-one serious talks.

• become quasi-vegetarian at the end of my 30-day vegetarian stint - i've lapsed twice (once, on accident with calamari that i thought was onion rings. the first bite told me otherwise. the second time was not exactly an accident—i ate ramen with shrimp powder. in my defense though, i didn't know there was shrimp powder in it until i had already prepared a full meal out of it). i'd like to limit myself to one serving of meat per day.

blog related:

• write the entire post, then pick a title - i don't want to stifle free-writing by locking myself in to a specific topic.

• たまに日本語で書く (write in japanese now and then) - ok, so this isn't a new idea. but i should recommit to it.

• pictures will be larger - that way you won't necessarily feel the need to click to enlarge a picture just to have an idea about what's going on.

god, i miss japan...

this is an old pic of me in kyoto. circa 2008.

words that help

i've started compiling a short list of sayings that help me regain perspective whenever i'm angry, frustrated, or otherwise absorbed in some negative thought/emotion pattern. thus far i have two:

今しかない (ima shika nai - "nothing exists but now")
敵がない (teki ga nai - "i have no enemies")

inspired by eckhart tolle, but of my own making. i don't need to leave angry notes over the kitchen sink directed at whichever person keeps leaving the pot crusted over with spaghetti sauce. it's just not worth getting upset over, and it's not worth making enemies over.

the other night at uncle vanya rehearsal, i took paparazzi pictures of everyone (my prerogative as stage manager). my favorite picture, was of my own shoes:

these are hand-me-down vans my roommate gave me. i like pictures with red in the middle. which reminds me of some pictures i took in japan in 2008:

i need to get back to japan. or at least somewhere green.

two weeks ago i mentioned that i was going to start drawing again. here's this morning's attempt:

this is a copy of an early mega-tokyo strip. a few years ago i printed out some mega-tokyo pages to help my cartooning. the drawing style is fairly simple, but as the series went on it got much more detailed and interesting. feeling out of practice i chose to copy the simpler style.

when i first printed those pages off in 2007, i drew this:

this is from the later, more sophisticated mega-tokyo days. at the time, i drew on a regular basis. with a little practice, i should be able to draw like this again.