the career change i never imagined

on saturday i started a new job as a hostess at a tranny "show pub".

maybe you've never heard of this type of establishment before, or maybe you're wondering if i'm sex worker?

so let me clear up any confusion.


the place:

i'm not sure what to compare it to because i've never been to a place like this before.

the pub floor is a large room with a bunch of tables. the seating all faces the stage area, which includes the far end of the room and a runway that extends through the middle of the pub floor.

at each table there's a simple bar with whiskey, shochu, and hennessy along with water, tea, and ice.

there are several shows each night (though the content doesn't change much). the shows are a series of dance numbers, ranging from sexy to cute, and shocking to hilarious.

the job:

the hostesses dance in the shows. in heels (eek!). the dance numbers included a girl's generation k-pop dance, a gangnam style parody, and an akb48 dance, to name a few.

having only worked one day so far, i don't do the dancing yet. but they introduce me as the new girl at the end of each show.

in between shows, we sit with the customers, have a chat, pour their drinks, and light their cigarettes. the conversations go in a lot of directions, but one common topic is transsexuality (childhood, coming out, surgeries, etc.).

and the customers aren't exclusively men. about 20% were women last time.


that's the basics of it anyway. one part dancing, one part hostessing, and one part looking pretty.

here's me after my 8-hour shift (i got home at 4:15am!):

orchiectomy: part 5 - surgery & the aftermath

i'm alive!

i went into the clinic yesterday just before 3pm. i gave the receptionist a signed consent form and forked out the cash (¥105000) for the surgery. she then gave me the meds i'd be taking after surgery (an antibiotic, an anti-inflammatory, and some pain pills).

then i went into an examination room, had my blood pressure taken, and stripped down before being led into the operating room. on the operating table the doctor gave me a gas mask to administer the anesthetic. it tasted (smelled?) awful.

and the next moment i heard someone say the surgery was over. i was lying in the same position, my mouth was full of gross-tasting saliva, and i couldn't move any part my body. i successful gurgled out the word つば ("tsuba" - saliva), and the doctor gave me a tissue to spit into. somehow i rolled off the operating table onto a stretcher bed and was wheeled off to another room.

in said other room, i slowly regained the ability to move my limbs, and i drifted in and out of sleep for the next hour and a half. then around 6pm my friend showed up, and we took a cab back. i felt a little sore, so i was walking pretty gingerly at that point.

my roommate went out and got me oden (yummy boiled food in broth, eaten with mustard), and after some light tv watching, i went to bed around 9pm.

on day two i felt a lot more swollen and sore. it's the kind of feeling you have about shortly after getting kicked in the groin—that vague, throbbing lower-abdominal pain. the meds helped a bit. i stayed inside all day, mostly just watching dexter and sleeping. and now i'm about to go to bed. hopefully.

let's hope day three shows some improvement!

orchiectomy: part 4 - let's do this!

my surgery is just about an hour from now. so i'm gonna write this post and then head out the door.

i'm a little nervous, but that's normal, right?

and i'm really hungry. i wish surgery didn't require skipping meals.

in other news, my doctor (not my orchiectomy surgeon) sent me an apology letter of sorts, and now we're back together.

we'll have a face-to-face in a week and a half. hopefully there'll be no more of him breaking up with me.

starting now

thanks to this blog, i have a new motto:

let's translate that as "not tomorrow—NOW". i guess you could think of it as "don't procrastinate" or something.

but in combating my chronic procrastination, i'm not focusing on those usual projects with due dates (homework, taxes, work assignments, etc.). instead i'm thinking about two other types of things:

1- things i should do every day

good habits are hard to build. exercise, proper diet, hygiene, self improvement. to fully enjoy the benefits of these activities, they must become habits.

so let's say you want to exercise regularly. you might be able to squeeze in a jog tonight, but you also want to relax and watch the daily show. you could always just start jogging tomorrow, right?

i suppose you could. but you might also just make excuses for yourself tomorrow too. you don't know what tomorrow will bring—now is the only time you have control over.

things i should do every day? i'll try to do 'em now.


2- things i should do while i have the chance

you might not always live where you live now. you might not always know who you know now. don't let the opportunities of the moment become another woulda coulda shoulda.

so go try out that restaurant, invite out a friend, check something off your bucket list.

i don't know about you, but i'm really good at making excuses for not doing cool things. i'm going to try to break out of that.

when?

明日じゃなくて、今すぐ！

(thanks, misaki!)

orchiectomy: part 3 - the pre-op break-up

so my doctor broke up with me today. i told him about my plans to get an orchiectomy, and he dumped me.

(this is my gender specialist doctor. obviously not the one who's doing my orchi)

i was totally not expecting that kind of response. i felt completely blindsided.

after listening to my reasons for wanting an orchiectomy, he told me that i was foolish and that he wouldn't treat patients that were selfish like me. and he told me not to come back. and he made me feel like complete shit.

one of the nurses consoled me a bit afterward (i assume she either overheard or could just tell by looking at my face). the nurses are nice, at least.

so, i guess i need a new doctor.

this is good though. because i wouldn't want a doctor like that operating on me in the future anyway.

i don't need a doctor who will throw me away simply because i disagree with his vision for my future.

i DO need a doctor who cares about me, and cares about my goals and my needs. not one who insists on everything being done according to their narrow, one-size-fits-all viewpoint.

</rant>

orchiectomy: part 2 - my thoughts

let's take a brief look inside my head.

WHY i've chosen to get an orchiectomy:

1. i'm hoping to have SRS someday, and this is an affordable first step
2. this would allow me to stop taking anti-androgen medication, so...
3. ...i can save money on meds, and...
4. ...my liver will be happier for it
5. it'll be easier to fit into gender appropriate clothing
6. some states would allow me to change my legal gender afterward

the deeper reasons (why i want SRS, why i'm taking a-a pills now, why i want to change my legal gender) are probably answered elsewhere.


in other news, i made a new japanese blog (and i won't be doing any more japanese posts here). link on the left!

orchiectomy: part 1 - the consultation

it's official. i'm kicking the lads out. they've overstayed their welcome, so now it's time to go.

last week i met with a doctor and scheduled an orchiectomy. here's a breakdown of the visit:


i arrived at the clinic and filled out a form—not so unusual for a first visit. i had about a five-minute wait, and then the doctor called me in.

it started with some of the usual getting-to-know-you stuff. then we moved on to the pertinent questions.


doctor "why do you want an orchiectomy?"

sami "well, i've been taking anti-androgens for almost two years now and—"

doctor "oh, gotcha. because after an orchiectomy you wouldn't have to take them anymore."

doctor "so when do you want to get it done?"

sami "how about december? like around the 29th?"

doctor "we're all booked up then. what about something in this neighborhood?"

he waved his hand around early december.

sami "can we do the 17th?"

doctor "great. you're scheduled for 3pm."

at this point, i still hadn't asked any of my burning questions. so i figured i should give it a go before any more lightning fast decisions got made.

sami "how much will it be?"

doctor "i'll give you a special discount: ¥105000." (normally it costs about ¥150000)

sami "the surgery lasts about 30 minutes?"

doctor "yup. oh and you can't drive yourself home. you live close?"

sami "yeah, i walked here."

doctor "hmm. i guess that works."

sami "or i could take a cab?"

doctor "of course."

sami "is there anything special i need to do to prepare for surgery?"

doctor "the receptionist will brief you on that. but first we'll need to do some blood work today."

yay! surprise needles!!


he was actually quite a nice guy—and really easy to talk to. he was just...a little faster than i had expected (^o^)

the surprise blood work set me back another ¥10000, bringing the total cost to ¥115000 (roughly $1400).

stay tuned for part 2!

the keanu reeves feeling

my mind has been blown.

i always assumed that i'd have transgender friends because i'm transgender and part of the community. but it never crossed my mind that a pre-existing friend of mine would come out as trans.

well, it happened. mind—completely blown.

i get it now. at least a little bit.

you think, "woah! like, what? but cool. i mean, good for you! yeah! but huh. wow. didn't expect that. not that it's bad. which it's not. it's good! i just can't wrap my head around it completely. but i'm definitely happy for you. yeah, awesome! thanks for trusting me enough to tell me."

i had the added feelings of "yay! you've come over to the dark side!" and "just think of all the things we can talk about now!"

it's weird for you guys, right? someone you know transitions, and now you have to completely redefine that person in your mind—call them a different name, change pronouns. maybe you ask yourself, "well now that she's a he, i shouldn't get the door for he— err, him. yeah?" or "should i offer to walk her home? i mean, it might not be safe for her to walk alone now."

transition is really not just a one person affair. when one of us transitions, everyone else has to transition in some way too. but i think it's a good journey to share.

and i'm especially happy to have another person to share it with now. :)

samicus politicus

politics. i've decided to go there.

i love to talk politics, and yet it's a topic that drives me completely insane. because of these guys:

it's a circus. it's an elaborate game of "he said, she said". and being overseas has brought my voting apathy to new heights.

i really don't like either party or either presidential candidate. i could vote for obama, whom i prefer but still dislike. but absentee voting is a hassle, and the votes generally get counted after the fact, making it a worthless endeavor.

so, i'm not voting.

i've concluded that i can make a bigger difference through other means. specifically, educating myself and educating others.

this means researching issues and participating in the discussion.

let's take a second and consider what our next president won't do:
-guarantee gay marriage rights to all americans
-end the war on drugs
-end the war on terror
-change america from a global bully into a global partner
-institute true national healthcare

these are some of the biggest issues i care about. and my vote won't make any of them happen.

so, i'm not voting.

i'm joining the debate. let's bring about some real change that we really can believe in!

(scurries off to troll facebook...)

why the face?

there are a lot of things going right in my life—fun job, acting prospects on the rise, living in a cool city, making new friends, etc.

and yet, i make this face daily:

i haven't gotten sick of japan. i'm not stressed. i'm not lonely. i don't have hemorrhoids. i'm in good health.

it's something else.

an auto-immune response to extreme laziness. and possible relationship issues. that's my current theory anyway.

but let's not focus on the bad!

let's talk acting. it's been almost two years since my last production. but that's all about to change. i've made some good contacts in the local film scene, i think i just got cast in a new musical (can't be too sure—i had a few drinks that night), and i'm auditioning for a community theatre production at the end of the month.

in other positive news, i'm going to a local transgender support group meeting this weekend. i've started seeing a doctor here in town—and i'm loving that the clinic is only 20 minutes away (as opposed to the 3 hour train ride to tokyo i had before). and i like the new doctor better.

but there is a downside: he switched me from pills to injections—and i HATE needles (see above "ohhh gawd!" face). guess i'll just have to deal. :P

photo proof that life continued

i'm back.

a lot has happened.

a brief recap?

sure!

two rounds of air travel - okinawa (april) and california (may)

one wedding - my friends' (may), not mine!

two visits by family members - my brother (july) and my mom (august)

three rock festivals - fuji rock (july), rock in japan (august), and summer sonic (august)

one salon visit - got a straight perm (august)

two moves - within hitachi (april) and to nagoya (august)

oh, and i made a dress out of newspaper and duct-tape (may)

i think that pretty well catches us up, yes?

happy to be back. (^-^)

still kicking, just ain't connected

it's been forever and i can only do a quickie. sorry (-_-)

i haven't had the internet since i moved out of my old place. and without the internet i can't very well blog. plenty has been happening, and once i get connected i'll start divulging.

in the meantime, please accept this humble post made from my phone as proof that i'm alive and i haven't given up on the blogosphere.

take care, all!

love,
samiko

how it was back then

it's official. i now live downtown. it may just be the downtown of a depressing industrial town, but at least i'm now near the train station, all the shops, and all the bars.

as i was unpacking i opened up an old journal from my freshman year of college. it was so weird looking back at my 19 year old self. i forgot how angsty, horny, and mormon (no offense) i was. at that time, i really thought i knew what love was, and i believed that some people were meant to be together. i also apparently used to hate my dad (2004 was a tough year for our relationship).

that was me 8 years ago. still, it didn't feel as though i was reading about myself. it felt like some entirely different person. nevermind a different chapter in the book of my life—that had to be a different book altogether.

maybe it's not that weird. i wasn't out as trans back then, and as a mormon my outlook on life was radically different. 8 game-changing years.

anyone had a similar experience? how have you felt when you picked up your old journal?

trans-japan: doctor, doctor!

yesterday i had my first appointment with a gender specialist doctor in japan.

i wasn't sure what to expect, but i tried to prepare beforehand in all the ways i could think of.

i had a copy of a letter from my american therapist. i brought my hormone prescriptions (spironolactone and estradiol). and i also made myself a little cheat sheet of relevant japanese words that i might not know off the top of my head.

the intake process began like most first-time doctor visits do. i filled out a form with my personal details and some basic medical history questions.

after a short wait i had an interview with a psychologist. she asked me a lot of general questions (family size, hometown, education level, etc.), and then some ones specific to my seeking treatment (how long i've known i'm trans, treatment i've received, etc.).

after another wait i met with the psychiatrist who runs the clinic. we went into much greater detail about my gender dysphoria. i was surprised by how unequipped i felt to answer his questions in japanese.

for example, he asked me, "what is it you don't like about being male?"

i thought for a moment and said, "there's a cultural/social aspect and a physical aspect. socially, i don't think, feel, and communicate like men do. and then physically, i sometimes feel disgust at my own body/anatomy." there were a lot of pauses as i thought how to say all that.

then he asked me, "well, what specifically do you not like about the male way of thinking/acting? please give me some examples."

and then my brain (already severely straining at this point) simply stopped working.

he encouraged me to speak in english if i couldn't get the japanese out. i couldn't really gauge his english level, but he seemed to get the gist of what i was saying.

once the intake questions were finished. he asked me point-blank, "so, you want more hormones, is that it?"

"well...yes. yes, i do. but i also want to get counseling to talk about the future."

"the future?"

"i want surgery."

he said, "alright. for today let's take care of your hormones. how much do you want? i can give you any amount."

"...uhh...? maybe like a few mo—"

"let's set your next appointment. how often do you want to come?"

"it's kind of far from home, but i'd like to do once a month." i live three hours away.

we set the next appointment, and he gave me exactly enough hormones to carry me through until the appointment.

there was a bit of a change though. japan has a medication that's identical to estradiol, but it's prohibitively expensive, so (with his recommendation) i opted to switch to premarin.

national health insurance covers counseling/therapy but i'll have to pay for my hormones out-of-pocket.

oh yeah—the final thing i did at the doctor's. he had me draw a tree. he said it was some sort of psychological test.

am i gonna screw it up? can i just draw any tree? maybe i should do a lollipop tree and be done with it. but what if that's a red flag or something? hmm, this tree looks a bit dead. lots of branches, no leaves. what does that say about me? they're probably wondering why i'm spending so much time on this tree. hmm, good enough, right?

damn doctor head-games! (>_<) haha.

ideas for change

up until now i've been using tags (labels) to mark the main topics of any given post. being in japanese, they're probably only useful to me.

going back and switching them all over to english is not an idea that appeals to me, but maybe there is something i can do to improve the organization of tanuki talk.

and so, i'm introducing columns! by column i mean section, like in a newspaper. the blog won't change visually so much, but now you'll see what you're getting into when you read a post title (they can be cryptic sometimes).

for example, a post about food could be titled "munchies: my conversion to goya"—with "munchies" being the column title of any post about food.

it's late, and i'm tired. so we'll call it good with two columns for now. "munchies" for food posts and "trans-japan" for posts relating to being transgender in japan.

three thirteen

i've recently started getting into podcasts, which is great because i have a 30-minute walking commute.

thus far, i've listened to "trans-ponder" (a podcast by two trans-women who discuss transgender issues) and "this american life" (a public radio news show that focuses on a different theme each episode). here, check 'em out:

• trans-ponder
• this american life

i'm testing out a few others, but i'll hold off on naming them now in case i lose interest by episode 2.

i had been feeling a bit isolated and cut off from the outside world (beyond the bubble of this city)—i don't have any trans friends here, and only one good friend who's american.

but now i feel a little more grounded. (^-^) thanks, podcasts!


i have an appointment to see a doctor (transgender specialist) in about 3 1/2 weeks. i'm a little nervous that i'll have to start from square one, since we're talking new country new doctor. :-/

maybe i should translate my letters from my last therapist into japanese...

i've been thinking a bit lately about transition and where i am at the moment. i'm mostly in boy-mode / androgynous-mode, all the while taking hormones and taking care of permanent facial hair removal.

i think people get a weird impression of me. quite a few people have assumed (or at least questioned) that i'm gay. i don't imagine people would think i'm trans, without my telling them.

does it bother me? not really. just an observation (^o^)

i bet things will just slowly shift from "he's gay...?" to "she's a he...?" and maybe ultimately to "she's a lesbian...?"

or maybe not. don't know if i'm that butch.

リンゴ酢 yo

i'm not sure how i forgot to mention this, but my head is all better!

so how did i do it? behold!

apple cider vinegar.

yup. 1 part water, 1 part acv. used it like shampoo. two weeks later, my head was good as new.

i learned some interesting facts along the way.

1. vinegar burns your eyes. i would have guessed as much, but now i know.
   
2. vinegar stings on open wounds and freshly shaven skin. i wasn't sure about sunburns, but i decided against testing it out last week after i got bright pink from a day of snowboarding.
3. vinegar odors dissipate quickly. i usually stop smelling like a salad about an hour after showering.

i'm still using it maybe once a week—just to keep the problem from recurring.

in other news, naruto:

life

here we go—the second post i've been meaning to write.

on valentine's day i went out with some friends for dinner to an awesome ramen place here in hitachi. i gave them their valentine's chocolates (see previous post) as we were just finishing up our bowls.

my phone vibrated—it was a facebook notification. it was a wall post from a friend back in america. i hadn't heard from him in a long while, so i was anxious to see what was up.

he posted a link whose caption read: "Melissa Joy Dietzel: Decomposing body of woman found 30ft up tree in Sydney is missing US tourist".

what.

the.

hell.

???????????

melissa WROTE the article? no...melissa IS the decomposing body?

it's a joke. he posted some sick joke on my wall.

he's said some pretty mean things about her before. but...really?

load. load. FUCKING LOAD!

"Was it suicide?...decomposing body of a young woman...the remains of Melissa Joy Dietzel, 22, of Redlands, California, were found by a tree surgeon..."

---------------------------

ramen ended awkwardly. i don't think my friends knew what to say. i didn't know what to say.

when i got home i poured over every article i could get my hands on. i read all the posts on her wall back to when she was last heard from in november.

but what was i to her? what was she to me? i didn't even know that she had been missing!

we hadn't spoken in quite a few months. we last hung out a few weeks before i moved to japan last april.

when did i first meet melissa? was it 2009?

i remember it was the fourth of july. swappo met her at smith's or a 7-11 or something and invited her to hang out with us.

we hung out a lot that summer. must've been 2010 (i was in japan in the summer of 2009). really? i'd only known her for a year and a half?

was it really a suicide? there must have been some sort of foul play. she wouldn't have taken her own life!

she was so chill. down to earth. upbeat. people like HER don't just call it quits.

---------------------------

my thoughts were all over the place.

i know somewhere, someone has written down the stages of grief.

i don't really care to look up what they are, but here's what i felt:

"shock" --> "denial" --> "bizarro" --> "sad" --> "bittersweet" --> "sad (again)" --> "wait, did something happen?" --> "reflective" --> "distracted" --> "anxious to blog"

---------------------------

i'm sorry i just vomited all over you, but i needed to get it out.

life gives us lessons, and death does too. it may be a futile hope, but i want to keep this feeling—that life is too short to be mean or petty. you just gotta love.

---------------------------

hope i can be as rad as you someday. you are and will be missed.

the first

i have a lot to write about. let's see if i can't get back into blogging on a regular basis.

now, i don't want to overwhelm you (or myself, for that matter). that's why i'm only going to cover one topic in this post.

the topic? chocolate!

in the weeks leading up to valentine's, japan became focused on one thing: chocolate. and i felt that i should join in on the excitement.

you see, valentine's day is special in japan. it's a day when a girl gives chocolate to the boy she likes. typically she makes it herself (store-bought chocolates just lack that personal touch, ya know?). of course, she also makes chocolate for her friends (義理チョコ girichoko - "obligation chocolate").

now, i don't have a boy i like (or a girl), so i decided to just make some girichoko. originally i planned to make enough for all the other teachers at work, but...well, we'll get to that.

making chocolate!

so i found a nice confectionary cookbook at my school library, and i took a picture of some key pages on chocolate making.

here's the recipe i ended up going with:

it's a pretty simple one. chocolate nut clusters.

i didn't have a thermometer, which meant a little bit of guesswork. and i didn't have the patience to cut the chocolate into fine bits before i melted it down, so i'm sure i strayed pretty far from the temperatures i was supposed to aim for.

and not having an oven i had to roast the nuts on an electric stove in a nonstick pan. definitely less than ideal. i nearly burned some, while others remained blissfully raw.

again being lazy, i didn't want to chop the almonds by hand, so i stuck 'em in my coffee grinder. within 2 seconds i had nut powder. oops. i decided to chop the rest of the nuts with a knife.

temperature control with the chocolate was difficult once i added the nuts. the first few globs of nutty chocolate i put on the sheet looked alright, but the chocolate was slowly hardening and becoming more difficult to coax off of the spoon. so the last 10 looked a bit choppy.

well you can see for yourself:

i sprinkled some coconut on top, hoping it would stick since the chocolate was still quite soft. it didn't really stick, but it was a nice thought.

the batch was supposed to yield 20, but because the chocolate was hardening i had less control of the size of each successive piece. i ended up with 15, and had enough ingredients to make another batch. but i needed 40 for everyone to have one. so i thought, better that no one gets them than some people feel left out.

so i just called it good, and dedicated the batch to my friends (who i would have made a third batch for, had portions worked out properly).

it was well received, so i either did something right, or i have nice friends.

and now i can make chocolate (i think)!

bus post am short (@@)

greetings from a bus!

i had something important to write about, but in the time it took me to figure out how to disable auto-capitalization i forgot what it was. (-_-)

on a loosely related note, i had a thought the other day that i should make a post about everything that i don't like about myself. that might end up in some really dark territory, but it could also be very therapeutic. i'm not gonna write that one now, so let's change the topic!

i'm 27. that just happened. sometimes i feel old. luckily someone's always there to tell me i'm being silly. 26 was a weird year. definitely not bad, but strange nonetheless.

well this has been unsubstantitive and short. let's hope for something better next time. (^_~)

the forecast. believe it.

101 in 1001. let's reevaluate.

1, 2, 6-13, 15-17, 19-23, 25-39, 43-47, 49-52, 54, 56-60, 62-68, 70-76, 80-83, 85-93, 95, 97, 99, 100— incomplete. no change.

here's what i've done and what i'm changing:

"3- blog weekly (xx/144)" — change to "3- write 144 blog entries". current progress: 16/144.

"4- vlog monthly (x/34)" — change to "4- post 34 vlog entries". current progress: 2/34.

"5- learn to play 10 new songs on the bass (x/10)" — change to "5- learn to play 15 new complete songs on any instrument". current progress: 0/15.

"14- read 5 japanese novels (x/5)" — current progress: 1/5. i read 星の王子さま ("the little prince" translated into japanese).

"18- write a letter by hand" — i may have done this, but because i can't remember for sure, we'll count this as still incomplete.

"24- amass a savings of 1,000,000 yen (approx. $12,000)" — current progress: ¥280,000.

"40- drink beer in a bowling alley" — completed. not really that special.

"41- watch 'buffy the vampire slayer' in its entirety" — current progress: watching season 5 of 7.

"42- NaNoWriMo" — incomplete. i failed this year, so i'll have to try again next year.

"48- literally meet someone for a cup of coffee" — completed. i've done this twice now.

"53- go to 20 new bars (x/20)" — current progress: 7/20. let's see if i can remember their names... tanya, drunken duck (katsuta), drunken duck (mito), second earth. can't remember the other three. one was jamaican themed. one okinawan. and one was a really tiny hole in the wall in mito.

"55- buy an area rug" — completed.

"61- experience love" — this happened, but was one-sided. change to "61- experience requited love". as such, incomplete.

"69- decide what kanji i would use to represent my name" — completed. after some consideration, i've decided to go with the rather normal combo "佐美".

i have a feeling i'll get that elusive "76" soon (the cheese one).

"77- play hide and seek with people my age" — completed. after thanksgiving dinner.

"78- watch the best picture winners/nominees from 1996-2010 (x/56)" — current progress: 7/56. most recently i watched "precious" and "good will hunting". both are fantastic films.

"79- sing a david bowie song at karaoke" — completed. i've sung "space oddity" and "star man".

"84- swallow a piece of gum" — completed. i wonder where it is now?

"94- pick up a chicken" — i held a chicken at the zoo a few months ago, but it was handed to me so i don't think i should count it since i didn't exactly pick it up myself. as such, incomplete.

"96- give a high five to each of the following: a policeman, a cook, and a store clerk" — i don't think i really care to do this. change to "96- dye my hair".

"98- ride my bike while completely drunk" — completed. probably shouldn't do it again.

"101- lose my virginity to someone i care about" — things didn't really go according to plan on that one. sorry, but i don't care to elaborate. change to "101- become conversant in 2 more languages". not at all related, i know, but i couldn't think of anything else. and i really want to learn korean. and maybe french.


in other news i've had a great holiday! i hope to write about it soon.