GO-ゆっくり

ゆっくり ("yukkuri") - my new mantra. it's japanese for "slow", "slowly", or "relaxed". i generally think of it as "take it easy" when used this way:

a: what'd you do yesterday?
b: just took it easy. i've been so stressed lately—it was nice to just relax.

about two weeks ago, on my way back from kyoto (details on that) i stopped in tokyo to hang out with a friend for a few days. i was really travel weary and in no mood for shopping, sightseeing, clubbing or any other sort of normal fun city activity. so we just had a yukkuri day.

here's an outline of the day:
• mild sleeping in
• made general plans for the day
• set off at some point
• two-hour lunch (we had myanmar food. sooooo good!)—long for conversation, not over-eating
• stroll around waseda campus and nearby gardens
• 90 minutes of daytime karaoke
• shopping for dinner and ice cream ingredients
• few hours of shiritori (a japanese word game) over dinner
• home made ice cream!
• shower before bed

food is a must for yukkuri-ization. savor it! if you're with company savor the conversation too. good things shouldn't be rushed. strolls are great too. unless you're out for a power-walk, i think most people are very yukkuri with their walks already. enjoy the scenery. drink the air. clear your mind.

don't misunderstand though! yukkuri (according to me, anyway) is not the same as being lazy! if you stay at home all day mindlessly surfing the internet, watching movies, and what-have-you you're not being yukkuri. you're simply not doing anything at all.

yukkuri is doing and enjoying.

yukkuri is letting your day unfold.

yukkuri is living and being there for every moment.

of course, i tend to get a bit silly with it. i'm yukkuri in the bathroom (at least at home i am), and i think my body thanks me for it. i'm yukkuri in going places (as often as i have the luxury to leave early enough). but sometimes that's just my excuse for being slow to get ready, when in reality i'm dawdling.

i don't like rushing and being rushed. yukkuri could be the best thing ever. i just need to learn not to be lazy and procrastinate.

like that'll ever happen. ^0^

untitled - but still subtitled!

another ex just got married. booooo!

i think i'd find it more amusing if i weren't in a weird place emotionally right now. amusing? don't i sound smug.

and was that a bit too leading?—weird place emotionally. i'll have to write about it now, won't i?

==PAUSE==

what's too private to blog about? i volunteer a good deal of personal information, though i think i've been pretty careful about mentioning other people's names. i do it on occasion, but only when i think nobody stands to be harmed by being named.

i've been pretty happy with my level of intimacy in blogging, but lately i've been finding it hard to write. i second guess some things as being "not interesting enough to share", some i think "it'd be pretty obvious who i'd be talking about here...and there's a high probability they'd read this", and everything else has just been too hard to put to words.

but today i'm gonna be a bit more forthcoming. and there's no way that this is not a good idea.

(i think the emotions have taken over)

==UNPAUSE==

i've got the blues. and i have some theories as to why:

1) lack of stability in life for the last month

this one's obvious. no work. 9 days in the states. 5 days in kyoto. 2 days in tokyo. staying over at friends' houses. day trips to nearby cities. being absolutely skint for most of the month. (i think i'm turning english @_@)

2) unrequited love

nobody likes a moaner, so i'll be brief with this one. i'm somewhere between like, love, and major crush with a really good friend of mine. being apart and being together both come with their own brand of emotional trauma.

3) poor diet

maybe this should fall under the "lack of stability" category as well. eating binges, fasting, periodic heavy drinking, random intense caffeine episodes, and a lot of fast food. it's been tapering off, but i think i'm still in the wake of it all.

4) lack of therapy

i haven't seen a therapist since april-ish. and i don't decompress as often as i should.

5) growing feeling of letting myself down

in multiple ways—poor time-management, no progress with my acting ambitions, not keeping in decent contact with friends and family, transition slow-down, not getting any better at japanese...

so which one is it?

silly question. it's all of them together, of course.

and i just got a kick-in-the-groin email that actually had me entertain the idea of cutting off ties with the sender. i doubt i actually will. no, in fact i won't. it's a little embarrassing to admit this, but part of the reason i don't want to get nasty in my response is because i think he'd get self-satisfied if i did. so i'm going to be civil out of spite. somewhat. :-/

my plan for getting out of this ditch (i'm making this up as i go):

• go to bed tonight within 2 hours (so i have until 1:01 am)
• take a shower before that
• have good tunes at the ready
• resume my tofu breakfasts
• start studying/reviewing japanese junior high level kanji
• do some more 101 shit (like the facebook fast?)
• go to the laser clinic

yeah, i gotta pee. so that's all the list we're gonna have.

was i even that brutally honest? just seems like a normal post, looking back at it. oh well :(