it's a dead blog, so fuck it.
i'm going to write some things that i normally would have the better sense not to write—if there were any chance that anyone i know would be reading this.
so here we go.
he is who
you want
to fuck
he he
him? he he him he him
him. him.
HIM.
december fucking 15th.
that's when i should have said.
down low too slow.
HIM.
he's a great guy.
whatever.
it's not fucking ABOUT HIM.
it's fucking.
fucking...
fucking right fucking now.
fuck me.
FUCK ME.
it's just,
i was hoping maybe
you'd want to fuck me.
i'm here.
i'll be here.
i'm yours to fuck.
you like who you like
you want who you want
who am i to question that?
if it's ever me
you can have every inch
you can have every drop
you can have everything
if it's ever me
if it's ever me
Thursday, January 21, 2016
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
a new blog
i want to revitalize this blog. let's give it a new name.
hmmm. as far as blogger domains go, a bunch are already taken.
sami.blogspot
sami.blogspot
samiko.blogspot
samico.blogspot
samiclaire.blogspot
and they all look abandoned.
BUT!
salamiclaire.blogspot is available.
salamiclaire.blogspot is available.
DONE.
this blog is officially rebranded.
SalamiClaire: The "La" Is Silent
the name "tanuki talk" just felt weird and out-of-date. i'm sure i'll get sick of this new blog name at some point, but that day is not today.
*actual bloginess starts*
i recently started coming to terms with an important fact:
i've been in a state of mild depression since last august.
in the past, blogging has been a wonderful therapeutic and creative outlet for me. when i'm on a roll, writing comes easily. but once i lose the habit, it's really difficult to get back into it. i seem to go through long-lasting, distinct blogging and not-blogging phases. i'd like to be back in a blogging phase.
hopefully, i'll make it happen.
ciao! (^-^)
ciao! (^-^)
Saturday, January 31, 2015
tea thinking
i wanted to write, so here i write.
i'm going to try a little exercise from my college writing class days. i write but i'm not allowed to delete anything. i have to write exactly what comes into my head.
this could be scary and dangerous, depending on my mind, but i've been feeling a kind of inner weirdness lately that has stifled creativity and created a general feeling of "blah". that's why a little uncomfortable digging may be just the thing i need.
a sip of my tea.
here we go. i fear that i will miss out on the chance to do something incredibly important. i don't know what that really means, but it's a nagging feeling i have been nursing for a good while now. or at least, since things went south in japan.
another sip of tea.
what does it mean? do i need to make a career for myself? or, do i need to get my shit together in general? i feel rather not put together right now.
since i came back to the states last august i've been living in a strange limbo. i've been spending a lot of great time with family, but i kind of feel like i'm on an inescapable vacation.
tea is making me hot. i don't know if i should stop drinking tea or just take my shirt off.
taking my shirt off.
that's better.
a nice sip of tea.
should i make a more concerted effort to develop my hobbies into something more meaningful? i love languages and i want to learn more (and improve in the ones i already kinda know), but i find it really hard to get into a real routine.
a pleasantly warming sip of tea.
the truth is, i binge on video games and mindless internet browsing. and tv shows, though i'm not guilty of that now, since i haven't picked a new show after finishing "the l word" last month. the process is very enjoyable, but the result almost never is.
i feel differently about books though. i enjoy books during the read, but also after i finish.
so what benefit do i get out of video games? i don't feel a need to kill boredom, truly. i'm not bored. i just crave the game. or games, rather. i get drawn into the world in much the same you would with a well-written novel, but it's harder to put down. it's harder to say, "enough for today," and move on to something else.
a slightly tepid sip of tea.
i've never been a good goal-setter. that doesn't mean i can't become one, true. but would i respond better to other tactics?
i've tried stopping things cold-turkey before and that generally comes back to bite me. maybe i need to strive for moderation. i CAN play games every day. but i don't have to play ALL day.
i am resistant to set strict rules for myself of, "you can only play video games after doing X task." resistant? i meant hesitant. if i set strict rules i'm bound to break them.
rather, i think i should not set rules, but rather (two rathers in a sentence? really?) but just make a goal to do one X thing today. the "X" thing could be:
-write some in my book
-write a blog post
-knit a bit
-read
i have a lot of options as to what that "X" could be.
a sip of tea to put me back on topic.
back on topic? well, more like back to the original conundrum. feeling off. i think video game/internet/TV binging contributes to a general feeling of aimlessness, but the core issue lies elsewhere.
either, i need to start thinking about a long-term "i'm down with this" type of career, or i need to fully embrace not having one and being a renaissance woman.
because i want to start my own business. no. i don't like the word business.
i want to start my own trade. i want to be a creative handyman of sorts. i'm going to think about this some more because this sounds a lot cooler than finding a "career". but first i'll do some laundry and play video games.
a final gulp of tea.
i'm going to try a little exercise from my college writing class days. i write but i'm not allowed to delete anything. i have to write exactly what comes into my head.
this could be scary and dangerous, depending on my mind, but i've been feeling a kind of inner weirdness lately that has stifled creativity and created a general feeling of "blah". that's why a little uncomfortable digging may be just the thing i need.
a sip of my tea.
here we go. i fear that i will miss out on the chance to do something incredibly important. i don't know what that really means, but it's a nagging feeling i have been nursing for a good while now. or at least, since things went south in japan.
another sip of tea.
what does it mean? do i need to make a career for myself? or, do i need to get my shit together in general? i feel rather not put together right now.
since i came back to the states last august i've been living in a strange limbo. i've been spending a lot of great time with family, but i kind of feel like i'm on an inescapable vacation.
tea is making me hot. i don't know if i should stop drinking tea or just take my shirt off.
taking my shirt off.
that's better.
a nice sip of tea.
should i make a more concerted effort to develop my hobbies into something more meaningful? i love languages and i want to learn more (and improve in the ones i already kinda know), but i find it really hard to get into a real routine.
a pleasantly warming sip of tea.
the truth is, i binge on video games and mindless internet browsing. and tv shows, though i'm not guilty of that now, since i haven't picked a new show after finishing "the l word" last month. the process is very enjoyable, but the result almost never is.
i feel differently about books though. i enjoy books during the read, but also after i finish.
so what benefit do i get out of video games? i don't feel a need to kill boredom, truly. i'm not bored. i just crave the game. or games, rather. i get drawn into the world in much the same you would with a well-written novel, but it's harder to put down. it's harder to say, "enough for today," and move on to something else.
a slightly tepid sip of tea.
i've never been a good goal-setter. that doesn't mean i can't become one, true. but would i respond better to other tactics?
i've tried stopping things cold-turkey before and that generally comes back to bite me. maybe i need to strive for moderation. i CAN play games every day. but i don't have to play ALL day.
i am resistant to set strict rules for myself of, "you can only play video games after doing X task." resistant? i meant hesitant. if i set strict rules i'm bound to break them.
rather, i think i should not set rules, but rather (two rathers in a sentence? really?) but just make a goal to do one X thing today. the "X" thing could be:
-write some in my book
-write a blog post
-knit a bit
-read
i have a lot of options as to what that "X" could be.
a sip of tea to put me back on topic.
back on topic? well, more like back to the original conundrum. feeling off. i think video game/internet/TV binging contributes to a general feeling of aimlessness, but the core issue lies elsewhere.
either, i need to start thinking about a long-term "i'm down with this" type of career, or i need to fully embrace not having one and being a renaissance woman.
because i want to start my own business. no. i don't like the word business.
i want to start my own trade. i want to be a creative handyman of sorts. i'm going to think about this some more because this sounds a lot cooler than finding a "career". but first i'll do some laundry and play video games.
a final gulp of tea.
Thursday, October 2, 2014
wasting time making favicons
i've been spending all morning making favicons.
here are the results:
16x16:
32x32:
let's see if i can get them to display correctly...
here are the results:
16x16:
32x32:
let's see if i can get them to display correctly...
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Sunday, September 7, 2014
i'm still alive
...and i'm gonna start blogging again!
i just wrote a dinky little japanese blog piece. and now i'm doing this english one!
lucky you (^_–)–☆
i'm thinking about writing a book about the last three years of my life. i think it'd make for a fun read, but i don't feel entirely comfortable calling it an autobiography. i have a few reasons why.
1) the word "autobiography" sounds boring.
2) i believe autobiographies are for people who think they're important but lack either the money or fame to commission biographies.
3) this most recent period of my life has felt decidedly like a drama and not a documentary.
so it'll be a novel.
and i'll change everyone's names to vegetables.
so "joe" could very well become "rhubarb". at least for the first draft.
should i start before november? yes. and if i finish before november, i can write another for NaNoWriMo! :D
toodles!
i just wrote a dinky little japanese blog piece. and now i'm doing this english one!
lucky you (^_–)–☆
i'm thinking about writing a book about the last three years of my life. i think it'd make for a fun read, but i don't feel entirely comfortable calling it an autobiography. i have a few reasons why.
1) the word "autobiography" sounds boring.
2) i believe autobiographies are for people who think they're important but lack either the money or fame to commission biographies.
3) this most recent period of my life has felt decidedly like a drama and not a documentary.
so it'll be a novel.
and i'll change everyone's names to vegetables.
so "joe" could very well become "rhubarb". at least for the first draft.
should i start before november? yes. and if i finish before november, i can write another for NaNoWriMo! :D
toodles!
Monday, July 22, 2013
surgery scrapbook
lucky for me, things get time stamped.
like facebook posts.
and tweets.
and the photos i take on my phone.
this miracle of technology will allow me to recover in peace, not having to stress out about when i did what in order to keep a good record.
i think it'd be quite personally interesting to later see a compilation of all my photos, tweets, FB posts, etc. of my time here in thailand.
like a scrapbook. a digital one.
i'm a very time-oriented person. i like to remember what year things happened in my life. but i can usually remember when events happened to the month.
my experience with surgery in thailand will only span 3 weeks. a year from now i won't remember the order of things so well (cuz my brain only gets specific to the month).
i'm grateful for time stamps.
oh and by the way—it's been a week since surgery and i'm doing well! my stitches came out today, and tomorrow i'll start dilation.
but, i've got a real pain in my ass.
literally.
i've got bed sore on my bum-bum from not being able to lie on my side for 4+ days. now i HAVE to lie on my side (at least i have 2. sides, that is.).
and i'm typing this from a modified "orz" position: on my knees, leaning forward on my elbows typing.
and it's getting old (aka my back and shoulders don't like this position) so i'm gonna lie down on my side for a while.
someday soon i'll give you the REAL skinny on how surgery and recovery have been. (^_~)
Thursday, July 11, 2013
hormone-less days, sleepless nights
another blog post is definitely in order.
oh.
MY.
GOD.
surgery is like, WAY soon.
let's see...it's currently friday morning (in japan)? i'm having surgery in three days. THREE DAYS.
without a doubt, i'm excited / nervous / happy / terrified.
you know that feeling you have before you give a big speech? you know, where your heart feels a little weak and your tummy is all kinds of unsettled? yeah, that feeling is not going away. (◉д◉;)
and i get the sense that i won't really feel better until i wake up after surgery, when ironically, i'll actually be in real pain (unless i'm still pretty doped up?).
ok, to be fair, writing this has taken the edge off a bit.
maybe i just need to have a good scream?
one sec....
hmm, screaming into a pillow is not as stress relieving as i had hoped. :-/
wait a minute....maybe it's hormones (or lack thereof)!
yeah! hmm, that could definitely be a contributor here...
you see, the thing is—the doctor told me to stop taking hormones two weeks before surgery. and that was a week and a half ago.
maybe my body is less able to manage / channel stress without any hormones! i think i like that theory.
yeah. we'll go with that.
oh and it's been taking me almost 3 hours to fall asleep every night this week. which kinda blows.
we'll blame that one on lack of hormones too. :D
am i having second thoughts / some sort of crisis?
no.
surgery just scares me. not so much the idea of surgery, but the reality of it.
and it's really just three days away! (^o^)
oh.
MY.
GOD.
surgery is like, WAY soon.
let's see...it's currently friday morning (in japan)? i'm having surgery in three days. THREE DAYS.
without a doubt, i'm excited / nervous / happy / terrified.
you know that feeling you have before you give a big speech? you know, where your heart feels a little weak and your tummy is all kinds of unsettled? yeah, that feeling is not going away. (◉д◉;)
and i get the sense that i won't really feel better until i wake up after surgery, when ironically, i'll actually be in real pain (unless i'm still pretty doped up?).
ok, to be fair, writing this has taken the edge off a bit.
maybe i just need to have a good scream?
one sec....
hmm, screaming into a pillow is not as stress relieving as i had hoped. :-/
wait a minute....maybe it's hormones (or lack thereof)!
yeah! hmm, that could definitely be a contributor here...
you see, the thing is—the doctor told me to stop taking hormones two weeks before surgery. and that was a week and a half ago.
maybe my body is less able to manage / channel stress without any hormones! i think i like that theory.
yeah. we'll go with that.
oh and it's been taking me almost 3 hours to fall asleep every night this week. which kinda blows.
we'll blame that one on lack of hormones too. :D
am i having second thoughts / some sort of crisis?
no.
surgery just scares me. not so much the idea of surgery, but the reality of it.
and it's really just three days away! (^o^)
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
my lifelong crush
so.
i do photograph myself a lot....
Thursday, May 16, 2013
with thanks to the san jose mercury news
a legal name change is in the works.
what once was benjamin daniel shall soon be samantha claire.
in california, to legally change your name you have to publish your intent to change your name in a local newspaper for 4 straight weeks.
the san jose mercury news was happy to oblige.
for about 80 bucks they published a little blurb looking like this:
pretty fancy, eh?
now, the funny thing is, my court date is one day after my surgery in thailand. i couldn't really do anything about that since no earlier court dates were available. luckily, i don't actually have to be there in person. or so says the court clerk.
anyway, once it all goes through, i'll have the magical adventure of trying to change all my documentation while living outside the u.s.
my passport won't be too difficult. maybe we'll start there.
but then i gotta change my social security card, my birth certificate, my driver's license, and bank accounts. (>_<)
one thing at a time. one thing at a time.
what once was benjamin daniel shall soon be samantha claire.
in california, to legally change your name you have to publish your intent to change your name in a local newspaper for 4 straight weeks.
the san jose mercury news was happy to oblige.
for about 80 bucks they published a little blurb looking like this:
pretty fancy, eh?
now, the funny thing is, my court date is one day after my surgery in thailand. i couldn't really do anything about that since no earlier court dates were available. luckily, i don't actually have to be there in person. or so says the court clerk.
anyway, once it all goes through, i'll have the magical adventure of trying to change all my documentation while living outside the u.s.
my passport won't be too difficult. maybe we'll start there.
but then i gotta change my social security card, my birth certificate, my driver's license, and bank accounts. (>_<)
one thing at a time. one thing at a time.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
in two months...
i'm getting surgery!
...you know, SRS.
...it stands for "sex reassignment surgery"...
...as in a sex change.
*finally clicks*
(wooo!)> \(^o^)/
o(^▽^)o <(hooray!)
(congratz!)> d(^-^)b
o(>.<)o <(good luck!)
thanks, guys!
on july 15th i'll go under the knife in thailand, under the care of dr. kamol.
i've known for a while that i wanted to have surgery, but when and where has been a pretty big question.
after researching a number of doctors, i settled on dr. kamol for a few reasons.
1) four of my coworkers had surgery from him, and they all gave a really positive recommendation.
2) dr. kamol has a lot of experience. and i've found mainly positive reviews of him.
3) the hospital is in thailand, which isn't that far from japan.
4) it's affordable, but not so cheap that you would feel uneasy.
5) dr. kamol and his hospital staff deal with english-speakers and japanese-speakers on a regular basis.
so, yeah! i'm pretty excited. (^-^) super excited, in fact!
but as the date draws closer, i'm sure anxiety will set in (~_~;)
(^o^)/ ciao!
...you know, SRS.
...it stands for "sex reassignment surgery"...
...as in a sex change.
*finally clicks*
(wooo!)> \(^o^)/
o(^▽^)o <(hooray!)
(congratz!)> d(^-^)b
o(>.<)o <(good luck!)
thanks, guys!
on july 15th i'll go under the knife in thailand, under the care of dr. kamol.
i've known for a while that i wanted to have surgery, but when and where has been a pretty big question.
after researching a number of doctors, i settled on dr. kamol for a few reasons.
1) four of my coworkers had surgery from him, and they all gave a really positive recommendation.
2) dr. kamol has a lot of experience. and i've found mainly positive reviews of him.
3) the hospital is in thailand, which isn't that far from japan.
4) it's affordable, but not so cheap that you would feel uneasy.
5) dr. kamol and his hospital staff deal with english-speakers and japanese-speakers on a regular basis.
so, yeah! i'm pretty excited. (^-^) super excited, in fact!
but as the date draws closer, i'm sure anxiety will set in (~_~;)
(^o^)/ ciao!
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
new youtube video!
lot's been goin' on.
i've just gone on indefinite holiday from work. i hope i can start up again within three months.
i'll be back in the states for about 2 months starting next wednesday. i'm gonna spend time with family. also, i hope to FINALLY change my name legally while i'm there. (^o^)
i'm moving this saturday. i'll still be in nagoya—just a different neighborhood :D
i went to tokyo last weekend. i went to osaka yesterday. i may go to mie prefecture in the next few days. whew!
on my way back from tokyo, i spend part of the day with a new friend. her name is misaki. she has a really popular blog, which is how i originally met her. well, thanks to her i've recommitted myself to voice practice (developing a more feminine voice).
here are the results of day 1:
tell me whatcha think! (^-^)
~sami
i've just gone on indefinite holiday from work. i hope i can start up again within three months.
i'll be back in the states for about 2 months starting next wednesday. i'm gonna spend time with family. also, i hope to FINALLY change my name legally while i'm there. (^o^)
i'm moving this saturday. i'll still be in nagoya—just a different neighborhood :D
i went to tokyo last weekend. i went to osaka yesterday. i may go to mie prefecture in the next few days. whew!
on my way back from tokyo, i spend part of the day with a new friend. her name is misaki. she has a really popular blog, which is how i originally met her. well, thanks to her i've recommitted myself to voice practice (developing a more feminine voice).
here are the results of day 1:
tell me whatcha think! (^-^)
~sami
Saturday, March 23, 2013
maybe i should write a book...
...about working as a hostess / show dancer at a tranny club in japan.
i'm pretty sure i'd be the first one to do it.
oh, and hello again. i'm alive :D
Sunday, February 3, 2013
writing more
now i don't really like double posting.
but it may come to that.
my japanese blog has been getting a lot of love and attention from me since i started it in december (17 posts already), while tanuki talk's posts have been short and somewhat infrequent.
if i were to double post (repost english versions of japanese blog updates) that would make this place feel a little less lonely.
but it's a pain.
and there are some things i'd rather deal with and think about in japanese. or maybe that's bullshit and i'm just talking nonsense. it is past my bedtime...
no. it's a no.
with apologies to those of you who can't read japanese, i'm just gonna keep things fluid, which means keeping the blog posts mutually exclusive.
but!
i do want to write on here more.
let's brainstorm some potential topics to write on:
cars. what? why? nevermind. next.
food. that's a safe one i guess. recipes? dining out? ooo, maybe i could do a nagoya cuisine special!
fashion. i'm definitely an idiot when it comes to styles and fashion. so maybe i could research and write about it as a learning tool for myself?
transgender issues. an obvious one, yes. but it's something i know a lot about and can write a lot about.
ok. good enough for now.
bed time!
but it may come to that.
my japanese blog has been getting a lot of love and attention from me since i started it in december (17 posts already), while tanuki talk's posts have been short and somewhat infrequent.
if i were to double post (repost english versions of japanese blog updates) that would make this place feel a little less lonely.
but it's a pain.
and there are some things i'd rather deal with and think about in japanese. or maybe that's bullshit and i'm just talking nonsense. it is past my bedtime...
no. it's a no.
with apologies to those of you who can't read japanese, i'm just gonna keep things fluid, which means keeping the blog posts mutually exclusive.
but!
i do want to write on here more.
let's brainstorm some potential topics to write on:
cars. what? why? nevermind. next.
food. that's a safe one i guess. recipes? dining out? ooo, maybe i could do a nagoya cuisine special!
fashion. i'm definitely an idiot when it comes to styles and fashion. so maybe i could research and write about it as a learning tool for myself?
transgender issues. an obvious one, yes. but it's something i know a lot about and can write a lot about.
ok. good enough for now.
bed time!
Monday, January 21, 2013
sami the klutz
so i happen to be a really big klutz.
i broke a glass pitcher at work today.
i'm in a constant state of almost falling over when i wear heels.
and i do this:
.jpg "look at how flat-footed i am!")
all those cuts on my legs? they're from the opposite foot's heel. when navigating narrow walkways, stepping over things, or even when sitting down and standing up i get cut by my heels. (T__T)
maybe it was a bad idea to start with 4-inch heels. (^_^;)
i broke a glass pitcher at work today.
i'm in a constant state of almost falling over when i wear heels.
and i do this:
.jpg "look at how flat-footed i am!")
all those cuts on my legs? they're from the opposite foot's heel. when navigating narrow walkways, stepping over things, or even when sitting down and standing up i get cut by my heels. (T__T)
maybe it was a bad idea to start with 4-inch heels. (^_^;)
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
none of your business cards
i got my business cards today :D
tada!
i'm a little sad it only has my english name (my japanese name is written as "永瀬 サミー"). and that i chose red lipstick. it's a bit much, considering how much they whitened my skin. (^o^) but overall, i'm happy with the result.
work is going well. i feel like i'm starting to get the hang of things. and it's getting easier to walk in heels. pretty soon i'll be a total pro (^-^)
until next time!
~sami
tada!
i'm a little sad it only has my english name (my japanese name is written as "永瀬 サミー"). and that i chose red lipstick. it's a bit much, considering how much they whitened my skin. (^o^) but overall, i'm happy with the result.
work is going well. i feel like i'm starting to get the hang of things. and it's getting easier to walk in heels. pretty soon i'll be a total pro (^-^)
until next time!
~sami
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
transitional employment
because of my new hostess job, i had to quit my part-time gig at the café last week.
it was hard to leave. though i only started that job 4 months ago, i've had a lot of fond memories there.
i made new friends (mostly coworkers), drank and served a lot of coffee, talked to tons of people, played around with gender expression, acted as receptionist, and helped put together a cocktail party.
oh, and sometimes i cooked things.
or baked:
it was a nice four months. and it was exactly what i needed.
sayonara, MER (my english room)!
it was hard to leave. though i only started that job 4 months ago, i've had a lot of fond memories there.
i made new friends (mostly coworkers), drank and served a lot of coffee, talked to tons of people, played around with gender expression, acted as receptionist, and helped put together a cocktail party.
oh, and sometimes i cooked things.
or baked:
it was a nice four months. and it was exactly what i needed.
sayonara, MER (my english room)!
Sunday, December 23, 2012
the career change i never imagined
on saturday i started a new job as a hostess at a tranny "show pub".
maybe you've never heard of this type of establishment before, or maybe you're wondering if i'm sex worker?
so let me clear up any confusion.
the place:
i'm not sure what to compare it to because i've never been to a place like this before.
the pub floor is a large room with a bunch of tables. the seating all faces the stage area, which includes the far end of the room and a runway that extends through the middle of the pub floor.
at each table there's a simple bar with whiskey, shochu, and hennessy along with water, tea, and ice.
there are several shows each night (though the content doesn't change much). the shows are a series of dance numbers, ranging from sexy to cute, and shocking to hilarious.
the job:
the hostesses dance in the shows. in heels (eek!). the dance numbers included a girl's generation k-pop dance, a gangnam style parody, and an akb48 dance, to name a few.
having only worked one day so far, i don't do the dancing yet. but they introduce me as the new girl at the end of each show.
in between shows, we sit with the customers, have a chat, pour their drinks, and light their cigarettes. the conversations go in a lot of directions, but one common topic is transsexuality (childhood, coming out, surgeries, etc.).
and the customers aren't exclusively men. about 20% were women last time.
that's the basics of it anyway. one part dancing, one part hostessing, and one part looking pretty.
here's me after my 8-hour shift (i got home at 4:15am!):
maybe you've never heard of this type of establishment before, or maybe you're wondering if i'm sex worker?
so let me clear up any confusion.
the place:
i'm not sure what to compare it to because i've never been to a place like this before.
the pub floor is a large room with a bunch of tables. the seating all faces the stage area, which includes the far end of the room and a runway that extends through the middle of the pub floor.
at each table there's a simple bar with whiskey, shochu, and hennessy along with water, tea, and ice.
there are several shows each night (though the content doesn't change much). the shows are a series of dance numbers, ranging from sexy to cute, and shocking to hilarious.
the job:
the hostesses dance in the shows. in heels (eek!). the dance numbers included a girl's generation k-pop dance, a gangnam style parody, and an akb48 dance, to name a few.
having only worked one day so far, i don't do the dancing yet. but they introduce me as the new girl at the end of each show.
in between shows, we sit with the customers, have a chat, pour their drinks, and light their cigarettes. the conversations go in a lot of directions, but one common topic is transsexuality (childhood, coming out, surgeries, etc.).
and the customers aren't exclusively men. about 20% were women last time.
that's the basics of it anyway. one part dancing, one part hostessing, and one part looking pretty.
here's me after my 8-hour shift (i got home at 4:15am!):
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
orchiectomy: part 5 - surgery & the aftermath
i'm alive!
i went into the clinic yesterday just before 3pm. i gave the receptionist a signed consent form and forked out the cash (¥105000) for the surgery. she then gave me the meds i'd be taking after surgery (an antibiotic, an anti-inflammatory, and some pain pills).
then i went into an examination room, had my blood pressure taken, and stripped down before being led into the operating room. on the operating table the doctor gave me a gas mask to administer the anesthetic. it tasted (smelled?) awful.
and the next moment i heard someone say the surgery was over. i was lying in the same position, my mouth was full of gross-tasting saliva, and i couldn't move any part my body. i successful gurgled out the word つば ("tsuba" - saliva), and the doctor gave me a tissue to spit into. somehow i rolled off the operating table onto a stretcher bed and was wheeled off to another room.
in said other room, i slowly regained the ability to move my limbs, and i drifted in and out of sleep for the next hour and a half. then around 6pm my friend showed up, and we took a cab back. i felt a little sore, so i was walking pretty gingerly at that point.
my roommate went out and got me oden (yummy boiled food in broth, eaten with mustard), and after some light tv watching, i went to bed around 9pm.
on day two i felt a lot more swollen and sore. it's the kind of feeling you have about shortly after getting kicked in the groin—that vague, throbbing lower-abdominal pain. the meds helped a bit. i stayed inside all day, mostly just watching dexter and sleeping. and now i'm about to go to bed. hopefully.
let's hope day three shows some improvement!
i went into the clinic yesterday just before 3pm. i gave the receptionist a signed consent form and forked out the cash (¥105000) for the surgery. she then gave me the meds i'd be taking after surgery (an antibiotic, an anti-inflammatory, and some pain pills).
then i went into an examination room, had my blood pressure taken, and stripped down before being led into the operating room. on the operating table the doctor gave me a gas mask to administer the anesthetic. it tasted (smelled?) awful.
and the next moment i heard someone say the surgery was over. i was lying in the same position, my mouth was full of gross-tasting saliva, and i couldn't move any part my body. i successful gurgled out the word つば ("tsuba" - saliva), and the doctor gave me a tissue to spit into. somehow i rolled off the operating table onto a stretcher bed and was wheeled off to another room.
in said other room, i slowly regained the ability to move my limbs, and i drifted in and out of sleep for the next hour and a half. then around 6pm my friend showed up, and we took a cab back. i felt a little sore, so i was walking pretty gingerly at that point.
my roommate went out and got me oden (yummy boiled food in broth, eaten with mustard), and after some light tv watching, i went to bed around 9pm.
on day two i felt a lot more swollen and sore. it's the kind of feeling you have about shortly after getting kicked in the groin—that vague, throbbing lower-abdominal pain. the meds helped a bit. i stayed inside all day, mostly just watching dexter and sleeping. and now i'm about to go to bed. hopefully.
let's hope day three shows some improvement!
Sunday, December 16, 2012
orchiectomy: part 4 - let's do this!
my surgery is just about an hour from now. so i'm gonna write this post and then head out the door.
i'm a little nervous, but that's normal, right?
and i'm really hungry. i wish surgery didn't require skipping meals.
in other news, my doctor (not my orchiectomy surgeon) sent me an apology letter of sorts, and now we're back together.
we'll have a face-to-face in a week and a half. hopefully there'll be no more of him breaking up with me.
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