today's mail

it's finally here:

glad to be done with the DMV. (^-^)

for a while anyway.

i'm still alive

...and i'm gonna start blogging again!

i just wrote a dinky little japanese blog piece. and now i'm doing this english one!

lucky you (^_–)–☆


i'm thinking about writing a book about the last three years of my life. i think it'd make for a fun read, but i don't feel entirely comfortable calling it an autobiography. i have a few reasons why.

1) the word "autobiography" sounds boring.

2) i believe autobiographies are for people who think they're important but lack either the money or fame to commission biographies.

3) this most recent period of my life has felt decidedly like a drama and not a documentary.


so it'll be a novel.

and i'll change everyone's names to vegetables.

so "joe" could very well become "rhubarb". at least for the first draft.


should i start before november? yes. and if i finish before november, i can write another for NaNoWriMo! :D

toodles!

surgery scrapbook

lucky for me, things get time stamped.

like facebook posts.

and tweets.

and the photos i take on my phone.

this miracle of technology will allow me to recover in peace, not having to stress out about when i did what in order to keep a good record.

i think it'd be quite personally interesting to later see a compilation of all my photos, tweets, FB posts, etc. of my time here in thailand.

like a scrapbook. a digital one.

i'm a very time-oriented person. i like to remember what year things happened in my life. but i can usually remember when events happened to the month.

my experience with surgery in thailand will only span 3 weeks. a year from now i won't remember the order of things so well (cuz my brain only gets specific to the month).

i'm grateful for time stamps.

oh and by the way—it's been a week since surgery and i'm doing well! my stitches came out today, and tomorrow i'll start dilation.

but, i've got a real pain in my ass.

literally.

i've got bed sore on my bum-bum from not being able to lie on my side for 4+ days. now i HAVE to lie on my side (at least i have 2. sides, that is.).

and i'm typing this from a modified "orz" position: on my knees, leaning forward on my elbows typing.

and it's getting old (aka my back and shoulders don't like this position) so i'm gonna lie down on my side for a while.

someday soon i'll give you the REAL skinny on how surgery and recovery have been. (^_~)

hormone-less days, sleepless nights

another blog post is definitely in order.

oh.

MY.

GOD.

surgery is like, WAY soon.

let's see...it's currently friday morning (in japan)? i'm having surgery in three days. THREE DAYS.

without a doubt, i'm excited / nervous / happy / terrified.

you know that feeling you have before you give a big speech? you know, where your heart feels a little weak and your tummy is all kinds of unsettled? yeah, that feeling is not going away. (◉д◉;)

and i get the sense that i won't really feel better until i wake up after surgery, when ironically, i'll actually be in real pain (unless i'm still pretty doped up?).

ok, to be fair, writing this has taken the edge off a bit.

maybe i just need to have a good scream?

one sec....



hmm, screaming into a pillow is not as stress relieving as i had hoped. :-/

wait a minute....maybe it's hormones (or lack thereof)!

yeah! hmm, that could definitely be a contributor here...

you see, the thing is—the doctor told me to stop taking hormones two weeks before surgery. and that was a week and a half ago.

maybe my body is less able to manage / channel stress without any hormones! i think i like that theory.

yeah. we'll go with that.


oh and it's been taking me almost 3 hours to fall asleep every night this week. which kinda blows.

we'll blame that one on lack of hormones too. :D



am i having second thoughts / some sort of crisis?

no.

surgery just scares me. not so much the idea of surgery, but the reality of it.

and it's really just three days away! (^o^)

my lifelong crush

so.

i have this growing suspicion that i have a crush on myself.

i do photograph myself a lot....

with thanks to the san jose mercury news

a legal name change is in the works.

what once was benjamin daniel shall soon be samantha claire.

in california, to legally change your name you have to publish your intent to change your name in a local newspaper for 4 straight weeks.

the san jose mercury news was happy to oblige.

for about 80 bucks they published a little blurb looking like this:

pretty fancy, eh?

now, the funny thing is, my court date is one day after my surgery in thailand. i couldn't really do anything about that since no earlier court dates were available. luckily, i don't actually have to be there in person. or so says the court clerk.

anyway, once it all goes through, i'll have the magical adventure of trying to change all my documentation while living outside the u.s.

my passport won't be too difficult. maybe we'll start there.

but then i gotta change my social security card, my birth certificate, my driver's license, and bank accounts. (>_<)

one thing at a time. one thing at a time.

in two months...

i'm getting surgery!



...you know, SRS.


...it stands for "sex reassignment surgery"...


...as in a sex change.

*finally clicks*


(wooo!)> \(^o^)/

o(^▽^)o <(hooray!)

(congratz!)> d(^-^)b

o(>.<)o <(good luck!)


thanks, guys!


on july 15th i'll go under the knife in thailand, under the care of dr. kamol.

i've known for a while that i wanted to have surgery, but when and where has been a pretty big question.

after researching a number of doctors, i settled on dr. kamol for a few reasons.


1) four of my coworkers had surgery from him, and they all gave a really positive recommendation.

2) dr. kamol has a lot of experience. and i've found mainly positive reviews of him.

3) the hospital is in thailand, which isn't that far from japan.

4) it's affordable, but not so cheap that you would feel uneasy.

5) dr. kamol and his hospital staff deal with english-speakers and japanese-speakers on a regular basis.


so, yeah! i'm pretty excited. (^-^) super excited, in fact!

but as the date draws closer, i'm sure anxiety will set in (~_~;)


(^o^)/ ciao!