hormone-less days, sleepless nights

another blog post is definitely in order.

oh.

MY.

GOD.

surgery is like, WAY soon.

let's see...it's currently friday morning (in japan)? i'm having surgery in three days. THREE DAYS.

without a doubt, i'm excited / nervous / happy / terrified.

you know that feeling you have before you give a big speech? you know, where your heart feels a little weak and your tummy is all kinds of unsettled? yeah, that feeling is not going away. (◉д◉;)

and i get the sense that i won't really feel better until i wake up after surgery, when ironically, i'll actually be in real pain (unless i'm still pretty doped up?).

ok, to be fair, writing this has taken the edge off a bit.

maybe i just need to have a good scream?

one sec....



hmm, screaming into a pillow is not as stress relieving as i had hoped. :-/

wait a minute....maybe it's hormones (or lack thereof)!

yeah! hmm, that could definitely be a contributor here...

you see, the thing is—the doctor told me to stop taking hormones two weeks before surgery. and that was a week and a half ago.

maybe my body is less able to manage / channel stress without any hormones! i think i like that theory.

yeah. we'll go with that.


oh and it's been taking me almost 3 hours to fall asleep every night this week. which kinda blows.

we'll blame that one on lack of hormones too. :D



am i having second thoughts / some sort of crisis?

no.

surgery just scares me. not so much the idea of surgery, but the reality of it.

and it's really just three days away! (^o^)