orchiectomy: part 4 - let's do this!

my surgery is just about an hour from now. so i'm gonna write this post and then head out the door.

i'm a little nervous, but that's normal, right?

and i'm really hungry. i wish surgery didn't require skipping meals.

in other news, my doctor (not my orchiectomy surgeon) sent me an apology letter of sorts, and now we're back together.

we'll have a face-to-face in a week and a half. hopefully there'll be no more of him breaking up with me.

starting now

thanks to this blog, i have a new motto:

let's translate that as "not tomorrow—NOW". i guess you could think of it as "don't procrastinate" or something.

but in combating my chronic procrastination, i'm not focusing on those usual projects with due dates (homework, taxes, work assignments, etc.). instead i'm thinking about two other types of things:

1- things i should do every day

good habits are hard to build. exercise, proper diet, hygiene, self improvement. to fully enjoy the benefits of these activities, they must become habits.

so let's say you want to exercise regularly. you might be able to squeeze in a jog tonight, but you also want to relax and watch the daily show. you could always just start jogging tomorrow, right?

i suppose you could. but you might also just make excuses for yourself tomorrow too. you don't know what tomorrow will bring—now is the only time you have control over.

things i should do every day? i'll try to do 'em now.


2- things i should do while i have the chance

you might not always live where you live now. you might not always know who you know now. don't let the opportunities of the moment become another woulda coulda shoulda.

so go try out that restaurant, invite out a friend, check something off your bucket list.

i don't know about you, but i'm really good at making excuses for not doing cool things. i'm going to try to break out of that.

when?

明日じゃなくて、今すぐ！

(thanks, misaki!)

orchiectomy: part 3 - the pre-op break-up

so my doctor broke up with me today. i told him about my plans to get an orchiectomy, and he dumped me.

(this is my gender specialist doctor. obviously not the one who's doing my orchi)

i was totally not expecting that kind of response. i felt completely blindsided.

after listening to my reasons for wanting an orchiectomy, he told me that i was foolish and that he wouldn't treat patients that were selfish like me. and he told me not to come back. and he made me feel like complete shit.

one of the nurses consoled me a bit afterward (i assume she either overheard or could just tell by looking at my face). the nurses are nice, at least.

so, i guess i need a new doctor.

this is good though. because i wouldn't want a doctor like that operating on me in the future anyway.

i don't need a doctor who will throw me away simply because i disagree with his vision for my future.

i DO need a doctor who cares about me, and cares about my goals and my needs. not one who insists on everything being done according to their narrow, one-size-fits-all viewpoint.

</rant>

orchiectomy: part 2 - my thoughts

let's take a brief look inside my head.

WHY i've chosen to get an orchiectomy:

1. i'm hoping to have SRS someday, and this is an affordable first step
2. this would allow me to stop taking anti-androgen medication, so...
3. ...i can save money on meds, and...
4. ...my liver will be happier for it
5. it'll be easier to fit into gender appropriate clothing
6. some states would allow me to change my legal gender afterward

the deeper reasons (why i want SRS, why i'm taking a-a pills now, why i want to change my legal gender) are probably answered elsewhere.


in other news, i made a new japanese blog (and i won't be doing any more japanese posts here). link on the left!

orchiectomy: part 1 - the consultation

it's official. i'm kicking the lads out. they've overstayed their welcome, so now it's time to go.

last week i met with a doctor and scheduled an orchiectomy. here's a breakdown of the visit:


i arrived at the clinic and filled out a form—not so unusual for a first visit. i had about a five-minute wait, and then the doctor called me in.

it started with some of the usual getting-to-know-you stuff. then we moved on to the pertinent questions.


doctor "why do you want an orchiectomy?"

sami "well, i've been taking anti-androgens for almost two years now and—"

doctor "oh, gotcha. because after an orchiectomy you wouldn't have to take them anymore."

doctor "so when do you want to get it done?"

sami "how about december? like around the 29th?"

doctor "we're all booked up then. what about something in this neighborhood?"

he waved his hand around early december.

sami "can we do the 17th?"

doctor "great. you're scheduled for 3pm."

at this point, i still hadn't asked any of my burning questions. so i figured i should give it a go before any more lightning fast decisions got made.

sami "how much will it be?"

doctor "i'll give you a special discount: ¥105000." (normally it costs about ¥150000)

sami "the surgery lasts about 30 minutes?"

doctor "yup. oh and you can't drive yourself home. you live close?"

sami "yeah, i walked here."

doctor "hmm. i guess that works."

sami "or i could take a cab?"

doctor "of course."

sami "is there anything special i need to do to prepare for surgery?"

doctor "the receptionist will brief you on that. but first we'll need to do some blood work today."

yay! surprise needles!!


he was actually quite a nice guy—and really easy to talk to. he was just...a little faster than i had expected (^o^)

the surprise blood work set me back another ¥10000, bringing the total cost to ¥115000 (roughly $1400).

stay tuned for part 2!

the keanu reeves feeling

my mind has been blown.

i always assumed that i'd have transgender friends because i'm transgender and part of the community. but it never crossed my mind that a pre-existing friend of mine would come out as trans.

well, it happened. mind—completely blown.

i get it now. at least a little bit.

you think, "woah! like, what? but cool. i mean, good for you! yeah! but huh. wow. didn't expect that. not that it's bad. which it's not. it's good! i just can't wrap my head around it completely. but i'm definitely happy for you. yeah, awesome! thanks for trusting me enough to tell me."

i had the added feelings of "yay! you've come over to the dark side!" and "just think of all the things we can talk about now!"

it's weird for you guys, right? someone you know transitions, and now you have to completely redefine that person in your mind—call them a different name, change pronouns. maybe you ask yourself, "well now that she's a he, i shouldn't get the door for he— err, him. yeah?" or "should i offer to walk her home? i mean, it might not be safe for her to walk alone now."

transition is really not just a one person affair. when one of us transitions, everyone else has to transition in some way too. but i think it's a good journey to share.

and i'm especially happy to have another person to share it with now. :)

samicus politicus

politics. i've decided to go there.

i love to talk politics, and yet it's a topic that drives me completely insane. because of these guys:

it's a circus. it's an elaborate game of "he said, she said". and being overseas has brought my voting apathy to new heights.

i really don't like either party or either presidential candidate. i could vote for obama, whom i prefer but still dislike. but absentee voting is a hassle, and the votes generally get counted after the fact, making it a worthless endeavor.

so, i'm not voting.

i've concluded that i can make a bigger difference through other means. specifically, educating myself and educating others.

this means researching issues and participating in the discussion.

let's take a second and consider what our next president won't do:
-guarantee gay marriage rights to all americans
-end the war on drugs
-end the war on terror
-change america from a global bully into a global partner
-institute true national healthcare

these are some of the biggest issues i care about. and my vote won't make any of them happen.

so, i'm not voting.

i'm joining the debate. let's bring about some real change that we really can believe in!

(scurries off to troll facebook...)