the end of an era

so now i sit in anticipation. in three days i'll find out whether or not i'm a college graduate.

have i been careful enough? i could have been spotted entering provo's liquor store or bar. i've walked out of smith's and walmart, booze-in-hand, in broad daylight. i drink coffee on campus. my hair is about 7 months too long. i haven't been to church in about 11 months. i went to the pride festival in salt lake. (nb: these are all things that could get me suspended or kicked out of byu.) maybe least careful of all—i'm blogging this.

in three days, if all goes well, i'll be able to openly admit that i've parted ways with mormonism—the faith, the culture, and the organization. i'm glad this charade is coming to an end.

it would be nice to be open about other things as well. but should i tell people up front that i'm transgender and somewhere on the bisexual spectrum? are those things better kept private? sexuality can be kept private, for sure. but transitioning (living as a female) is a bit too obvious. but as long as i continue presenting myself as male, no one really knows unless i tell them.

under the iron rule of byu, "coming out" was never an option. but now that those days are quickly drawing to a close, i for the first time in my life have that option. this will take some more soul-searching.