my gay rant

as i was walking home from work today i did some thinking. on sexuality.

i grew up in a culture that views homosexuality as immoral. and it follows that if something is immoral, it stems from a personal *wrong* choice. like the following examples:

murder? immoral. manslaughter? unfortunate, but not immoral.
stealing? immoral. mistaking someone else's bag for yours at the airport? not immoral.

i'm thinking that if everyone recognized that homosexuality is NOT a choice they'd have a hard time seeing it as immoral—assuming they believe in a just god.

sure, there's the argument that homosexual attraction isn't immoral, while homosexual behavior is. in which case, behavior is the choice, and the attraction is beyond one's control.

so, even though a healthy intimate relationship is considered to be one of humanity's greatest sources of happiness, it's immoral to strive for that if you're gay?

no one should have to hide who they are and how they feel from their partner/spouse. a gay man marrying a straight woman IS NOT his best chance for happiness.

homosexuality isn't immoral. gay people aren't ruining marriage.

why this tirade? well, i've been thinking about my own sexuality a lot. and i've been using the label bisexual, but i think in reality i'm pansexual. i've been attracted to women and men, but i think the person is more important to me than the gender. while i most often am attracted to women (making me a lesbian?), i recognize that relationship compatibility for me has less to do with equipment, and more to do with personality—and not simply "masculine" versus "feminine" personality differences.

i'd like to be accepted and loved for who i am. and i think everyone else deserves the same.

and if you feel homosexuality (or anything other than heterosexuality) is immoral, i invite you to do a little mental exercise:

imagine that you are gay. you don't want to be. but you are. you find members of your own gender to be attractive, while members of the opposite sex are either repulsive to you, or simply nothing special. you'd probably try pretty hard not to be gay. but at some point you'd realize that you need to choose. happiness in intimate relationships or social/religious acceptance. most people never have to make that choice. doesn't it suck that you do? choosing the acceptance of society or what's moral from a religious standpoint is nothing short of repressing your own feelings. maybe you're good at it. but it will eat away at you your entire life. you'll be lucky to make it through and feel any sort of inner peace and contentment. now what if you made the other choice? you might lose family and friends. you might make yourself the target of violence. you might make yourself the target of general ridicule from society. but you'd also be choosing to embrace something that is part of you. you'd be choosing to live an honest life, one in which you wouldn't have to keep secrets. you'd be choosing to try for happiness.

so what'll it be? outward stability with inner turmoil? or the opposite: inner peace with outside sources of harm? not an easy choice. i hope you can at least sympathize with people in this position, and not demonize them.

sorry for the heavy tone in this post, but i'm very passionate about issues of gender and sexuality. and i wish we all loved each other a little more.

p.s. if you happen to disagree with me, that's ok. you can believe what you want to believe. i'll try to be understanding, but i just hope you realize that we all choose our belief systems, but we do not choose who we are sexually attracted to.