why the face?

there are a lot of things going right in my life—fun job, acting prospects on the rise, living in a cool city, making new friends, etc.

and yet, i make this face daily:

i haven't gotten sick of japan. i'm not stressed. i'm not lonely. i don't have hemorrhoids. i'm in good health.

it's something else.

an auto-immune response to extreme laziness. and possible relationship issues. that's my current theory anyway.

but let's not focus on the bad!

let's talk acting. it's been almost two years since my last production. but that's all about to change. i've made some good contacts in the local film scene, i think i just got cast in a new musical (can't be too sure—i had a few drinks that night), and i'm auditioning for a community theatre production at the end of the month.

in other positive news, i'm going to a local transgender support group meeting this weekend. i've started seeing a doctor here in town—and i'm loving that the clinic is only 20 minutes away (as opposed to the 3 hour train ride to tokyo i had before). and i like the new doctor better.

but there is a downside: he switched me from pills to injections—and i HATE needles (see above "ohhh gawd!" face). guess i'll just have to deal. :P

the colour and the shape of 2012

it's never too early to make new year's resolutions. but because nobody ever actually accomplishes the so-named resolutions, i think a name change is in order.

i'm hereby renaming my new year's resolutions "the forecast".

so here's the forecast:

1) i'm going to inquire at an american consulate about legal name changes.

looking back, it all probably would've been a lot less headache had i changed my name before leaving the country. (>_<) let's see if we can make it happen from overseas.

2) my scalp is going to be happy again.

if my current strategies don't produce results i'm going to find a new dermatologist—one who actually has time to listen.

3) i will finally contact/consult a japanese gender specialist doctor

i've had the contact info of a highly recommended guy for a while now. i have no excuse.

4) my 101 list will get revamped.

some items have been made obsolete. others i've lost interest in. with the gusto of a new year, 101 in 1001 will live again (and you'll see updates, too!)

5) i am going to take and pass N1 (japanese language proficiency test - 日本語能力試験).

i was going to take it in secret a few weeks ago, but i was feeling a bit ill and chickened out that day. either way i wouldn't have passed—i just wanted to see what the test was like to get an idea of how much more i'd have to know to pass it. i missed that chance to preview it, but i intend to obliterate the test. that's how awesome i intend to become. (note that "the forecast" only includes #5 itself. all the commentary afterwards is just me rambling.)

6) i will audition for something!

seriously. i can't be forgettin' my dreams now, ya know?


i'll possibly have some more things to add to the forecast later. but this is an ok start.

my 101 in 1001

thanks to my friend sara, i've been inspired to create a list of 101 things i want to accomplish in the next 1001 days. i'm officially starting today (june 24, 2011), which means i will finish by march 20, 2014 at 11:59:59 pm.

be forewarned, a number of the items on my list might be considered tmi ("too much information" for the layperson). here we go:

1- visit china

2- be vegetarian for 30 days (again)

3- blog weekly (0/144)

4- vlog monthly (0/34)

5- learn to play 10 new songs on the bass (0/10)

6- do the splits (front-ways)

7- do a street performance (dance or music)

8- read 50 books (0/50)

9- get rid of all my facial hair

10- translate and subtitle a japanese drama series

11- write and direct a movie

12- host a dinner party at my house (3+ guests)

13- learn how to make 10 classic drinks (0/10)

14- read 5 japanese novels (0/5)

15- record an album

16- visit australia

17- go inside a pachinko parlor

18- write a letter by hand

19- wax my legs

20- bike to mito

21- learn 5 new recipes for every meal (0/15)

22- read the qur'an

23- appear on japanese tv

24- amass a savings of 1,000,000 yen (approx. $12,000)

25- take a yoga class

26- start/join a band

27- be "out" at work

28- bring a sketchbook to the zoo and draw animals

29- memorize the lyrics to 20 japanese songs (0/20)

30- engage in a gyoza-eating competition

31- pass jlpt level 1

32- legally change my name

33- take one picture a day for 30 days in a row

34- make an animated short

35- learn 15 pop dance routines (0/15)

36- find and meet with a therapist

37- visit shikoku

38- visit okinawa

39- make my own kimchi

40- drink beer in a bowling alley

41- watch "buffy the vampire slayer" in its entirety

42- NaNoWriMo

43- learn the prefectures and capitals of japan

44- do an all-day photo shoot

45- take in a bath in something aside from water

46- develop my own series of english, japanese, and chinese lessons

47- make a friend online and meet them in real life

48- literally meet someone for a cup of coffee

49- convince a friend to visit me in japan

50- buy an apron

51- have a sleepover at my house (2+ guests)

52- go to and use the public library

53- go to 20 new bars (0/20)

54- memorize 10 monologues in english and japanese (0/20)

55- buy an area rug

56- memorize the names and numbers of the first 151 pokemon in japanese

57- make a snow angel

58- survive a summer without turning on my ac

59- write a comedy routine

60- wear sunglasses at night

61- experience love

62- do a scavenger hunt

63- learn to play the ocarina

64- draw/write a graphic novel

65- buy something just to smash it

66- eat an entire meal upside down

67- draw my self portrait with crayons

68- sleep in the storage closet under my bed

69- decide what kanji i would use to represent my name

70- organize an enkai

71- get a part time job completely unrelated to teaching

72- dress as dr. girlfriend for halloween or some other costumed occasion

73- make an avocado milkshake

74- find out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie-pop

75- get rid of the boys (like you cared to know?)

76- eat a block of cheese in one sitting

77- play hide and seek with people my age

78- watch the best picture winners/nominees from 1996-2010 (0/56)

79- sing a david bowie song at karaoke

80- be homeless for a week

81- go 30 days without facebook

82- go 12 days without the internet

83- design the floor plan of my dream house

84- swallow a piece of gum

85- develop the habit of brushing and flossing daily

86- write a ransom note using letters/words cut out from magazines

87- roll down a grassy hill

88- be someone's slave for a day

89- write 70 poems (0/70)

90- fly a kite

91- win a staring contest

92- visit south korea

93- learn how to sew

94- pick up a chicken

95- make a savory vegetarian sandwich with at least 5 ingredients

96- give a high five to each of the following: a policeman, a cook, and a store clerk

97- eat fresh wasabi root

98- ride my bike while completely drunk

99- swim a mile

100- volunteer

101- lose my virginity to someone i care about

my contributions to art

back in october i was stage manager for a production of chekhov's uncle vanya. at this moment i'm killing time while one video uploads to youtube and the next one renders (did i need a comma there? dammit, i hate how english deals with embedded clauses!).

so here are links to the vanya vids:

byu show:

act ii part 1 | part 2

act iv part 1 | part 2

orem library show:

act i part 1 | part 2

act ii full vid

act iii full vid

when i put these all on youtube, i was reminded of a class project i did about 2 years ago. a very awesome classmate and i made a 25 minute video analyzing and parodying the various literary movements in post-edo (read: modern) japan. most segments were live-action spoofs of japanese classics, but my favorite segment was animated.

over thanksgiving break 2008, i animated (sara colored) the following clip and set it to nick drake's pink moon:

one thousand and one second stories. the animation follows the text very closely sans dialogue. this is adaptation, not parody (isn't japanese literature fun?).

in watching this, i've decided i should start doing fun and creative things again. i'd like to use the fleshed-out-stick-figure-with-a-hat character again—i think he really gels with my drawing style (primitive).

hopefully this time i'll be making more than just empty promises when i say i'm going to be creative again!

it's show time!

uncle vanya (the play i'm stage managing) opens this coming saturday! here are the performance details:

saturday, october 23, 2pm @ byu harris fine arts center, b201
monday, october 25, 7pm @ byu harris fine arts center, b201
wednesday, october 27, 7pm @ byu harris fine arts center, b201
saturday, october 30, 12pm @ orem library

during friday and saturday's rehearsals, i took about 300 pictures with my canon point-and-shoot, and here are my top picks (or pics?):

i took a bunch of shots outside. unfortunately, about half of the backlit ones had major lens flare. but i think this one turned out quite well. from left to right with character names in parentheses: kendal (madame voitskaya), jordan (serebrekov), kat (marina), and jackie (yelena).

telegin recounts his wife's betrayal. from left to right: bryan (vanya), lawrence (telegin), critter (astrov), and kat (marina).

whenever i'm in charge of a camera, a good number of the shots end up being of me.

life update

romeo & juliet went out with a bang last monday. before the show, the director told us, "if you want to do something on stage, go for it. follow your impulses." the result? the best show of the whole run. and the most fun. everyone went deeper with their characters, they made riskier decisions, and it paid off big. awesome.

the company's next show is uncle vanya, which will run the last two weeks of october. i auditioned for it—and came more excited and prepared than i had to any previous audition—but i didn't make the cut >.< i did volunteer to help out, so now i've been dubbed "stage manager". rehearsals just started up on wednesday.

i've started studying for the jlpt, which i'll take in december (in los angeles whoo!). i haven't done much with japanese in the last three months, and it feels good to be reading, hearing, and using the language again. i added a japanese introduction page (タヌキって誰？ is actually a button now).

most exciting of all (for me at least): my mind is being blown away by the power of now (i mentioned this in an earlier post). literally. i don't feel there's one book or one philosopher / religious teacher that has all the answers, but this makes my list of awesome words to live by. for your reference i've included the list so far:

• tao te ching
• the bible
• the book of mormon
• the tao of pooh
• the power of now

i suspect i'll add the qur'an once i read it. something by rousseau might end up on the list too. i may pick a good shakespeare to throw in as well.

oh. and here's a picture update:

despite what the picture may seem to convey, i'm actually feeling quite good about life! this may be related to the fact that i just bought a bottle of sake.

embrace your awesome

i'm willing to bet that every single person in the world is fascinating. the reason we think most people are boring is because they don't embrace their awesome.

it may sound a bit vain, but i think i'm a beautifully complicated human being. for a long time i thought i was a math-science kid. now, i'm japanese degree toting thespian. i dream of having my own tiny restaurant where no wall separates the customers from the kitchen. i enjoy plain lattes (no flavoring or sugar). i like walking home from work—all 6 miles of it. i'm a chameleon, adapting to whatever situation and locale i'm in. i secretly enjoy my own farts. i believe in love, but rarely allow myself to be that vulnerable. sometimes i worry that my ass is too big, and at other times i worry that it's slowly disappearing. i fear, but have not yet experienced, hair loss. pastrami is my drug. i put a lot of stock in dreams, and sometimes read too much into them.

i'm weird, and that's awesome. next time you're about to write someone off, you should ask, "what's your awesome?" push them long enough, and they'll spit it out.

find their fascinating. embrace your awesome.


in other news, i'm working on a stage adaptation of a christmas carol.

the past 1 - tanuki 0

i've always hated the idea of public prayer. one person communicating with god vocally, representing everyone in the room? no, you don't represent me. and i doubt my honest prayer would represent you.

yesterday, i had a rather ugly experience with praying in public. the director and most of the cast of romeo & juliet are mormon (i'm one of two who aren't), so it's not that weird that we have cast prayer before each show. usually, someone will volunteer to say the prayer, though on occasion the director will ask a specific person to pray. last night, the director caught me off guard. she asked me to pray. really, me? don't you remember the time i drank champagne in front of you? don't you remember the conversation we had about how i'm a chameleon living among mormons?

i have no idea what was going through her head. maybe she was trying to give an outsider a chance to pray with the group in his own way. maybe she was trying to spur a lost soul back onto the path of redemption. maybe she just wasn't thinking at all.

the worst part of all: i said yes. "oh shit," i thought. "how do i even say a prayer that i'm comfortable with?" immediately and unintentionally i fell back into familiar patterns of prayer. and at "amen" i felt thoroughly disgusted. i couldn't even stand up for myself? i couldn't have said "no, thank you"? i couldn't have prayed in a way that felt true to my own beliefs? apparently not. i have been too well trained to pray for others' ears.

in my mind, prayer is (or should be) communication. the "god" i feel is everywhere—in everything. how the hell do i turn meditation into a 30-second public speech? shitty. next time i'm politely refusing. it's decided.

my past, you win this round. but i won't lie down so easily next time.

revised rehearsal schedule

we've cancelled our last week of shows and changed locations/times of a few others. here's the updated performance schedule for romeo & juliet:

August 27 Pioneer Park, 500 W Center Street, Provo 7 pm
August 28 Memorial Park @ 800 E and Center Street, Provo 7 pm
August 30 Memorial Park @ 800 E and Center Street, Provo 7 pm
Sept 2 the Duck Pond @ 800 N, BYU 7 pm
Sept 3 the Duck Pond @ 800 N, BYU 7 pm
Sept 4 Pioneer Park, 500 W Center Street, Provo 7 pm
Sept 6 Memorial Park @ 800 E and Center Street, Provo 7 pm

makeover makeover!

is it an improvement? i'd like to think so. i've spent the last 5 hours designing it. the page "about tanuki" was a post from last week. i haven't written the equivalent japanese page (タヌキって誰？) yet.

in other news, romeo & juliet is going well. performances are in full swing, and we've been having decent-sized audiences come. the director (aptly named anne shakespeare) has helped me develop a lot as an actor—take more risks on stage, engage the audience, have better posture, etc. so what this play isn't a paying gig. i'm getting free training ^_^

the play

here's the schedule for my upcoming show, romeo & juliet:

August 12 200 S Main Street, Pleasant Grove, 7 pm

August 13 Memorial Park @ 800 E and Center Street, Provo 7 pm
August 14 Provo Farmers Market, 500 W Center Street, Provo 12 noon
August 14 Kiwanis Park, 820 N 1100 E, Provo 7 pm
August 16 Nielson’s Grove, 2000 S Sandhill Road, Orem 7 pm
August 19 Short Version* Orem Library, 58 N State Street, 6:30 pm
August 20 Short Version* 645 E 400 S, Salt Lake City, 6 pm
August 21 Provo Farmers Market, 500 W Center Street, Provo 12 noon
August 21 Pioneer Park, 500 W Center Street, Provo 7 pm
August 28 Memorial Park @ 800 E and Center Street, Provo 7 pm
August 30 A park in Orem that will be announced soon. . .
Sept 2 Outside the south entrance to the Harris Fine Arts Center, BYU, 7 pm
Sept 3 Outside the south entrance to the Harris Fine Arts Center, BYU, 7 pm
Sept 4 Pioneer Park @ 300 S 300 W, Salt Lake City, 9 am
Sept 6 Rock Canyon Park @ 2620 N 1200 E, Provo 7 pm
Sept 9 the Duck Pond @ 800 N, BYU 7 pm
Sept 10 the Duck Pond @ 800 N, BYU 7 pm
Sept 11 Memorial Park @ 800 E and Center Street, Provo 7 pm

whew! we have a lot of performance dates. i pulled the calendar from the theatre company blog. last time i checked, they still hadn't put my bio up yet >_<

oh right. i'm playing paris and lord montague. come check it out!