here is a chart to illustrate the above point:
though rainbows and unicorns win a clear majority, my life is at least 19% anger and sadness, and the remaining 9% is kafkaesque.
but lately, with the impending move it's felt more like 33-33-33. i'm saying goodbye to family, friends, stability, the familiar, convenience. but i'm about to welcome independence, new friends, adventure, my future.
am i entering adulthood finally? or will this be a sort of second childhood? (i'm leaning toward the second. being mature is stupid :P)
transition has felt very much on hold lately. electrolysis is moving forward quite well (my cheeks is gettin oh so smoove!), but it keeps me from shaving most of the week. beyond that though, i'm worried about going to japan and not having an in-person support network. i was hired as a man, and so for the time being that's how i'll appear in professional contexts. i'm hoping the company has a somewhat favorable attitude toward LGBT—i'll have to talk to HR once i'm there.
of course there's still plenty of things i can do without going en femme full time. i need to find a therapist and hormone doc once i'm settled in japan. i think there is a electrolysis clinic near to where i'll live. i'd like to work on speaking with a more feminine-sounding voice—meaning i need to practice at home. i need to get better at doing my makeup too, since without outside help i often give myself zombie eyes ^o^
it feels like a setback, given the momentum i had back in january, but i gotta remember that i can't do everything at once. one step at a time.
i've almost gotten rid of all my random junk i've been trying to push on everyone. seeing the dentist tomorrow. my to do list is slowly shrinking. i think i'm moving for real.
3 comments:
coming frim a totally from a different place, I'm right there with you. my motto of late has been "everything is different but nothing has changed." I kind of feel like I need a hang in there kitty poster above my bed. but things will happen. GOOD things will happen. life does move forward. keep at it Sami!!!
We'll be thinking about you in your new adventure. You'll do just fine. Of course, you'll have to be ready for the rocking and rolling in Japan.
It's hard to watch some of the pictures of the devastation. Seeing stranded pets is so sad as well. Perhaps you'll find a way to do some service and help those who are struggling.
You are going to Japan with few possessions, and seeing people who have lost it all. I'm sure you will have a lot of compassion for them.
Stay safe, Sami.
Love ya!
Yeah...I'm not going to lie, That "visual aid" has got to be one of the coolest things I have ever seen :)
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