fall cleaning

today is going to be a day of cleaning.

that means, of course, i'll be cleaning my room. but more than that, i'm going to do some cleaning of my whole life.

and i'm going to drink a lot of water.

(just so you don't get the wrong idea: cleaning my life doesn't mean i'll be doing some sort of moral reevaluation. it means getting rid of baggage—cleaning out the problems of my heart. i no have major qualms with my sense of morality.)

and since i'm writing this post at the start of my cleaning, that means i'll be doing some heart cleaning first. feel free to skip this section because chances are you won't understand it.

==heart cleaning==

i can't do it anymore. it's done. i'm not going to keep loving you—and in the process re-break my own heart every week. and that means i'm going to have to keep some distance.

it may seem weird to save a friendship by pulling away, but i don't know what else to do. i have to detach.

i've wondered if i just need to find someone else to be interested in. i don't think my heart works that way though. and i don't feel like i even have the energy to try.

i'm not going to slip. i need to be firm. i'm not going to let myself fall into my old habits of "what if..." and "if only...".

再见.

==house cleaning==

first the clutter. and dishes (only a cup, a plate, and a few knives—not that bad, eh?). and.............done

well that only took a few hours (distractions included). (>_<)

there'll be some re-cleaning to do after dinner, but the main job is done. the last main thing i need to do is sweeping. it's been a while, so i'm expecting a few kilos of dust/debris.

i'll conclude there. "i'm about to eat dinner and sweep my floor" isn't much of a cliff-hanger, so i don't feel in the least bit bad about cutting this one off.

until next time (^-^)\