fall cleaning

today is going to be a day of cleaning.

that means, of course, i'll be cleaning my room. but more than that, i'm going to do some cleaning of my whole life.

and i'm going to drink a lot of water.

(just so you don't get the wrong idea: cleaning my life doesn't mean i'll be doing some sort of moral reevaluation. it means getting rid of baggage—cleaning out the problems of my heart. i no have major qualms with my sense of morality.)

and since i'm writing this post at the start of my cleaning, that means i'll be doing some heart cleaning first. feel free to skip this section because chances are you won't understand it.

==heart cleaning==

i can't do it anymore. it's done. i'm not going to keep loving you—and in the process re-break my own heart every week. and that means i'm going to have to keep some distance.

it may seem weird to save a friendship by pulling away, but i don't know what else to do. i have to detach.

i've wondered if i just need to find someone else to be interested in. i don't think my heart works that way though. and i don't feel like i even have the energy to try.

i'm not going to slip. i need to be firm. i'm not going to let myself fall into my old habits of "what if..." and "if only...".

再见.

==house cleaning==

first the clutter. and dishes (only a cup, a plate, and a few knives—not that bad, eh?). and.............done

well that only took a few hours (distractions included). (>_<)

there'll be some re-cleaning to do after dinner, but the main job is done. the last main thing i need to do is sweeping. it's been a while, so i'm expecting a few kilos of dust/debris.

i'll conclude there. "i'm about to eat dinner and sweep my floor" isn't much of a cliff-hanger, so i don't feel in the least bit bad about cutting this one off.

until next time (^-^)\

an 11-part montage of sami's last five weeks

maybe you've noticed.

maybe you haven't.

i'm a bit behind on my blogging.

but all your patience pays off right now because i have LOTS i want to write about, and OODLES of pictures to show.

so without further ado, i give you...

part 1: size

34-30-39.

i don't know what i was before starting hormones, but if i were to guess, i'd say 32-30-36.

according to wikipedia, the ideal healthy waist to hip ratio for women is 0.7, and for men is 0.9. i'm at 0.77. i can't help but feel a little shapely.

::blush::

part 2: my last attempt at a blog entry

"i'm about to finish an 800g block of gouda. i'm down to the last three slices. ugh, i'm gonna vomit."

to learn more, please check my latest vlog (youtube link on the left, yo)!

part 3: cheese follow-up

while i was back in the states earlier this month, i attempted to eat a 1lb block of kraft sharp cheddar. i finished about 80% of it and had to bail because i needed to get in a kayak and paddle with vigor. if i had continued eating the cheese, i still wouldn't have counted it because it just wouldn't seem like "one sitting".

so yeah. cheese fail #2.

part 4: the mountain behind my house

there's a "mountain" behind my house (yet in front of my front door?)!

so i like to climb it.

from my front door to the gazebo at the top takes about 1 hour at a relaxed, but steady pace.

the really cool thing? five minutes out my front door and i'm in the middle of the woods.

and these woods are pretty cool. made only cooler by weird concrete designs:

and cool highway underpasses:

the main trail from my area splits into multiple trails in the middle of the woods. both trails are super cool (and get super steep near the end). why are they super cool? because you burst out of the woods only to find yourself at the top of one of two hills—both with amazing views. it's really cool to have the sky open like that after a healthy jaunt under a dense canopy.

the gazebo is a great place to just sit and gaze out at the entire city and the ocean. here, take a look (8 shots facing 8 directions, paired in twos for better viewing pleasure):

NE / E:

SE / S:

SW / W:

NW / N:

i love how green japan is!

part 5: kyoto?

yes. i meant for that question mark to be there. why?

exhibit a:

ok, i was actually sober and awake for most of the trip. i did some really fun things including:

• 伏見稲荷大社 "fushimi inari taisha"—a huge shrine with a shit-ton of red gates (2 pictures below)
• walking around 三条 "sanjo"—a covered shopping street
• cycling from kyoto station to 鞍馬 "kurama" to go to an onsen (hot spring)—16 km
• walking around the imperial palace grounds
• general cycling around town
• cosplay karaoke!!! (picture below)

photo evidence of holiday sobriety:

in one of these three pictures i wasn't sober.

any guesses?

(^o^)

part 6: 101 in 1001

right. so i already mentioned the cheese fail.

but the successes?

• i watched the social network, up, little miss sunshine, and crash. movie progess 5/56
• i rode my bike drunk
• i read 星の王子様 ("le petit prince" in japanese). japanese novels 1/5
• i went to 2 new bars (tanya and rising sun—both in hitachi). new bars 2/20
• i sang two david bowie songs at karaoke ("space oddity" and "star man").
• i swallowed a piece of gum as i hiked the mountain behind my house (it's called 助川山 "sukegawa-yama" by the way).

and here are the almosts:

• i may or may not have won a staring contest. i can't rightly remember.
• i made avocado ice cream. oh how easily i could have turned that into a milkshake! if only i had been thinking. it was very delicious and creamy, btw.

part 7: ultimate

i played ultimate frisbee today.

part 8: exploring hitachi

one day i set out on my bike to explore this city i live in. i got sunburned. what a fool.

here are some pics:

look underneath the crane. what do you see? the gazebo on top of my "mountain"!

this pier is visible in the east-view shot from the gazebo.

the coast!

now admittedly, i had been to this pier/beach before. i cut through a lot of unknown neighborhoods on my way though. ready for more? it doesn't matter!

i'm a big fan of undisturbed nature. but this is kinda cool. and this is not the same beach, just so you know.

this is a cliff.

i am now on top of the cliff but a little further south.

unfortunately, the city is too big to adequately explore in one day. i think i'll explore a bit more when it gets cooler.

p.s. the second beach area (the last three pictures) are on the coast just north of hitachi station. google map it!

part 9: rethinking some parts of 101 in 1001

the blog weekly / vlog monthly goals are now impossible having missed over a month of both. so instead, i'll keep the overall goal number the same and have the weekly/monthly thing be a suggestion since it would help keep me on track.

part 10: painful choices

they suck. we don't really choose who we fall for, do we? but what if you fall for a friend? would you risk that friendship to see if it could become something more?

it's nice to be in love for a change (i thought i was becoming an asexual robot!). it is what it is, and willing myself out of it was both incredibly painful and ultimately unsuccessful. fingers crossed that i can enjoy emotional stability while in the throes of a love i may never confess. haha, really?

baka.

part 11: reflection

has this truly been the longest fucking blog post ever?

that i've written? yes.

that i've read? yes.

so in my reality (which you've willingly immersed yourself in) the answer is yes. this is the longest fucking blog post ever. thanks for reading!

my 101 in 1001

thanks to my friend sara, i've been inspired to create a list of 101 things i want to accomplish in the next 1001 days. i'm officially starting today (june 24, 2011), which means i will finish by march 20, 2014 at 11:59:59 pm.

be forewarned, a number of the items on my list might be considered tmi ("too much information" for the layperson). here we go:

1- visit china

2- be vegetarian for 30 days (again)

3- blog weekly (0/144)

4- vlog monthly (0/34)

5- learn to play 10 new songs on the bass (0/10)

6- do the splits (front-ways)

7- do a street performance (dance or music)

8- read 50 books (0/50)

9- get rid of all my facial hair

10- translate and subtitle a japanese drama series

11- write and direct a movie

12- host a dinner party at my house (3+ guests)

13- learn how to make 10 classic drinks (0/10)

14- read 5 japanese novels (0/5)

15- record an album

16- visit australia

17- go inside a pachinko parlor

18- write a letter by hand

19- wax my legs

20- bike to mito

21- learn 5 new recipes for every meal (0/15)

22- read the qur'an

23- appear on japanese tv

24- amass a savings of 1,000,000 yen (approx. $12,000)

25- take a yoga class

26- start/join a band

27- be "out" at work

28- bring a sketchbook to the zoo and draw animals

29- memorize the lyrics to 20 japanese songs (0/20)

30- engage in a gyoza-eating competition

31- pass jlpt level 1

32- legally change my name

33- take one picture a day for 30 days in a row

34- make an animated short

35- learn 15 pop dance routines (0/15)

36- find and meet with a therapist

37- visit shikoku

38- visit okinawa

39- make my own kimchi

40- drink beer in a bowling alley

41- watch "buffy the vampire slayer" in its entirety

42- NaNoWriMo

43- learn the prefectures and capitals of japan

44- do an all-day photo shoot

45- take in a bath in something aside from water

46- develop my own series of english, japanese, and chinese lessons

47- make a friend online and meet them in real life

48- literally meet someone for a cup of coffee

49- convince a friend to visit me in japan

50- buy an apron

51- have a sleepover at my house (2+ guests)

52- go to and use the public library

53- go to 20 new bars (0/20)

54- memorize 10 monologues in english and japanese (0/20)

55- buy an area rug

56- memorize the names and numbers of the first 151 pokemon in japanese

57- make a snow angel

58- survive a summer without turning on my ac

59- write a comedy routine

60- wear sunglasses at night

61- experience love

62- do a scavenger hunt

63- learn to play the ocarina

64- draw/write a graphic novel

65- buy something just to smash it

66- eat an entire meal upside down

67- draw my self portrait with crayons

68- sleep in the storage closet under my bed

69- decide what kanji i would use to represent my name

70- organize an enkai

71- get a part time job completely unrelated to teaching

72- dress as dr. girlfriend for halloween or some other costumed occasion

73- make an avocado milkshake

74- find out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie-pop

75- get rid of the boys (like you cared to know?)

76- eat a block of cheese in one sitting

77- play hide and seek with people my age

78- watch the best picture winners/nominees from 1996-2010 (0/56)

79- sing a david bowie song at karaoke

80- be homeless for a week

81- go 30 days without facebook

82- go 12 days without the internet

83- design the floor plan of my dream house

84- swallow a piece of gum

85- develop the habit of brushing and flossing daily

86- write a ransom note using letters/words cut out from magazines

87- roll down a grassy hill

88- be someone's slave for a day

89- write 70 poems (0/70)

90- fly a kite

91- win a staring contest

92- visit south korea

93- learn how to sew

94- pick up a chicken

95- make a savory vegetarian sandwich with at least 5 ingredients

96- give a high five to each of the following: a policeman, a cook, and a store clerk

97- eat fresh wasabi root

98- ride my bike while completely drunk

99- swim a mile

100- volunteer

101- lose my virginity to someone i care about

a poem related to 大変！

the following poem went through a few drafts. it may go through a few more. ^_^


is it safe? can i open my eyes?

the soft glow of the moon—she lies asleep across the room

should i look, uninvited as i am?

my eyes darken...
darken...
i dream
life takes root where darkness reigned

has it been hours, or just minutes?

her face is the morning sun

asleep, still, retaining all her lunar beauty

yet now filled with a playful vitality

maybe i can look