the colour and the shape of 2012

it's never too early to make new year's resolutions. but because nobody ever actually accomplishes the so-named resolutions, i think a name change is in order.

i'm hereby renaming my new year's resolutions "the forecast".

so here's the forecast:

1) i'm going to inquire at an american consulate about legal name changes.

looking back, it all probably would've been a lot less headache had i changed my name before leaving the country. (>_<) let's see if we can make it happen from overseas.

2) my scalp is going to be happy again.

if my current strategies don't produce results i'm going to find a new dermatologist—one who actually has time to listen.

3) i will finally contact/consult a japanese gender specialist doctor

i've had the contact info of a highly recommended guy for a while now. i have no excuse.

4) my 101 list will get revamped.

some items have been made obsolete. others i've lost interest in. with the gusto of a new year, 101 in 1001 will live again (and you'll see updates, too!)

5) i am going to take and pass N1 (japanese language proficiency test - 日本語能力試験).

i was going to take it in secret a few weeks ago, but i was feeling a bit ill and chickened out that day. either way i wouldn't have passed—i just wanted to see what the test was like to get an idea of how much more i'd have to know to pass it. i missed that chance to preview it, but i intend to obliterate the test. that's how awesome i intend to become. (note that "the forecast" only includes #5 itself. all the commentary afterwards is just me rambling.)

6) i will audition for something!

seriously. i can't be forgettin' my dreams now, ya know?


i'll possibly have some more things to add to the forecast later. but this is an ok start.

satan doesn't approve of my sleeping on the job

let me take you back to last night...

so there i was, lying on the couch hoping to get a little shut-eye at work. it was around midnight, and i was exhausted. i closed my eyes and exhaled. things were getting quiet—it shouldn't be too long before i'd fall asleep.

woosh woosh!*

*(imagine the sound of someone in windbreakers walking while consciously rubbing their legs together)

"oh god. is he still awake?" i thought. i opened my eyes to a still-dark living room—no-one in sight. "if he is coming down here he'll turn on the lights," i reassured myself. i can jerk awake pretty quickly to bright lights and the lumbering sounds of approaching sex offenders, so i let my eyes rest once again.

woosh woosh woOSH WOOSH WOOSH!

"geez. what time is it?" i grabbed my phone to check the time. but for some reason it didn't light up, which was odd because it was fully charged.

i moaned, closed my eyes again, and tried to relax.

WOOSH WOOSH WOOSH WOOSH!

"i must be imagining it. he's not down here. but still...i know i'm not dreaming." maybe i just needed something to snap me back to reality. i bit my lip. "ah! that's it." i thought as i felt the pinch of my tooth on my lower lip. but moments later, i realized my mouth was still closed, and my lip didn't hurt. "i imagined that too?!"

woosh woosh!

he came downstairs, but just long enough for me to remind him how late it was. but again, moments later i realized i hadn't even opened my mouth, let alone conversed with anyone. and then i heard what sounded like demon yokels in a heated debate. i had left the TV on, but...

i rolled over to see what the commotion was.

ok. somehow CNN had become a demon news channel.

WOOSH WOOSH WOOSH!

"uhhnnn..." i tried harder to open my mouth, sit up, do anything. again, i noticed that i hadn't even rolled over but was still facing the back of the couch. the TV was still behind me.

"ok. this has to stop NOW." i redoubled my efforts. i felt like i was pushing pushing PUSHING against a wall. at long last i broke through, feeling thoroughly winded.

i sat up. the room was dark and quiet as ever. anderson cooper purred softly from the TV across the room. i was alone.

"fuck me." i thought as i closed my eyes.