so NaNoWriMo has officially begun! i'm sitting pretty on day 3 with 251 words. only 49749 words to go!
251 words doesn't really reflect how much time i've spent on this so far. i've put in about 4 hours already. i think my problem is that i'm trying to make it perfect—funny, deep, readable, and one-of-a-kind. that's not really the point. so, i just need to accept it's imperfections and plow through.
i keep getting distracted. i think i need a computer that can only do one thing at a time. to the point of having a web browser with only one tab. i started this post an hour and a half ago. (-_-)
in hopes of actually being productive today (day off! wooooo!), i'm going to end this short post with this:
my friend SweetFeetKoshka busting out an awesome dance cover of SNSD's new single, the boys.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
お待たせしました〜
日本語の投稿を再開します〜
読者には、日本語が分かる人はほとんどいないと思いますけど……
今週の土曜に東京で性同一性障害の協会が交流会を開いて、その情報を聞いて、行くことにしました。実は、怖いです。
もちろん、行きたいです。でも、日本に来てからずっと、女装したり、女声を練習したり、一度もしなかったんです。進歩がなくて、むしろ退歩している気がする。
だから、行かなければならないと思います。
ところで、最近「電車男」というドラマを見ています。今終わったところです。話もいいけど、見てから私も「2ch」に悩みを投稿しようかなと考えてきました。
トクに、性同一性障害に関する質問が解答されるはずです。２ちゃんも今週の交流会も、楽しみにしています。
好奇心のせいか、以上の文をgoogleで訳したら……と思って、爆笑しちゃった！
どうぞ、読んでみてください (^o^)
good luck with that one!
読者には、日本語が分かる人はほとんどいないと思いますけど……
今週の土曜に東京で性同一性障害の協会が交流会を開いて、その情報を聞いて、行くことにしました。実は、怖いです。
もちろん、行きたいです。でも、日本に来てからずっと、女装したり、女声を練習したり、一度もしなかったんです。進歩がなくて、むしろ退歩している気がする。
だから、行かなければならないと思います。
ところで、最近「電車男」というドラマを見ています。今終わったところです。話もいいけど、見てから私も「2ch」に悩みを投稿しようかなと考えてきました。
トクに、性同一性障害に関する質問が解答されるはずです。２ちゃんも今週の交流会も、楽しみにしています。
好奇心のせいか、以上の文をgoogleで訳したら……と思って、爆笑しちゃった！
どうぞ、読んでみてください (^o^)
Japanese ~ Post Resumes-from google translate
The reader will understand that I think very few Japanese are ...
Open Exchange Meeting Association of GLBT in Tokyo on Saturday this week, hearing that information, I decided to go. This is in fact scary.
Of course, you go. But ever since coming to Japan, and transvestites, and women exercise, I did not even once. Without progress, and feel that rather backward.
So I must go.
Meanwhile, recent "Train Man" is a look at the drama. I just finished. I can talk better, I look at the "2ch" I think that you try to submit a trouble to.
In particular, questions should be answered by GLBT. Chan AC 2 times this week, we look forward to.
good luck with that one!
Sunday, October 9, 2011
fall cleaning
today is going to be a day of cleaning.
that means, of course, i'll be cleaning my room. but more than that, i'm going to do some cleaning of my whole life.
and i'm going to drink a lot of water.
(just so you don't get the wrong idea: cleaning my life doesn't mean i'll be doing some sort of moral reevaluation. it means getting rid of baggage—cleaning out the problems of my heart. i no have major qualms with my sense of morality.)
and since i'm writing this post at the start of my cleaning, that means i'll be doing some heart cleaning first. feel free to skip this section because chances are you won't understand it.
==heart cleaning==
i can't do it anymore. it's done. i'm not going to keep loving you—and in the process re-break my own heart every week. and that means i'm going to have to keep some distance.
it may seem weird to save a friendship by pulling away, but i don't know what else to do. i have to detach.
i've wondered if i just need to find someone else to be interested in. i don't think my heart works that way though. and i don't feel like i even have the energy to try.
i'm not going to slip. i need to be firm. i'm not going to let myself fall into my old habits of "what if..." and "if only...".
再见.
==house cleaning==
first the clutter. and dishes (only a cup, a plate, and a few knives—not that bad, eh?). and.............done
well that only took a few hours (distractions included). (>_<)
there'll be some re-cleaning to do after dinner, but the main job is done. the last main thing i need to do is sweeping. it's been a while, so i'm expecting a few kilos of dust/debris.
i'll conclude there. "i'm about to eat dinner and sweep my floor" isn't much of a cliff-hanger, so i don't feel in the least bit bad about cutting this one off.
until next time (^-^)\
that means, of course, i'll be cleaning my room. but more than that, i'm going to do some cleaning of my whole life.
and i'm going to drink a lot of water.
(just so you don't get the wrong idea: cleaning my life doesn't mean i'll be doing some sort of moral reevaluation. it means getting rid of baggage—cleaning out the problems of my heart. i no have major qualms with my sense of morality.)
and since i'm writing this post at the start of my cleaning, that means i'll be doing some heart cleaning first. feel free to skip this section because chances are you won't understand it.
==heart cleaning==
i can't do it anymore. it's done. i'm not going to keep loving you—and in the process re-break my own heart every week. and that means i'm going to have to keep some distance.
it may seem weird to save a friendship by pulling away, but i don't know what else to do. i have to detach.
i've wondered if i just need to find someone else to be interested in. i don't think my heart works that way though. and i don't feel like i even have the energy to try.
i'm not going to slip. i need to be firm. i'm not going to let myself fall into my old habits of "what if..." and "if only...".
再见.
==house cleaning==
first the clutter. and dishes (only a cup, a plate, and a few knives—not that bad, eh?). and.............done
well that only took a few hours (distractions included). (>_<)
there'll be some re-cleaning to do after dinner, but the main job is done. the last main thing i need to do is sweeping. it's been a while, so i'm expecting a few kilos of dust/debris.
i'll conclude there. "i'm about to eat dinner and sweep my floor" isn't much of a cliff-hanger, so i don't feel in the least bit bad about cutting this one off.
until next time (^-^)\
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Saturday, September 10, 2011
GO-ゆっくり
ゆっくり ("yukkuri") - my new mantra. it's japanese for "slow", "slowly", or "relaxed". i generally think of it as "take it easy" when used this way:
here's an outline of the day:
• mild sleeping in
• made general plans for the day
• set off at some point
• two-hour lunch (we had myanmar food. sooooo good!)—long for conversation, not over-eating
• stroll around waseda campus and nearby gardens
• 90 minutes of daytime karaoke
• shopping for dinner and ice cream ingredients
• few hours of shiritori (a japanese word game) over dinner
• home made ice cream!
• shower before bed
food is a must for yukkuri-ization. savor it! if you're with company savor the conversation too. good things shouldn't be rushed. strolls are great too. unless you're out for a power-walk, i think most people are very yukkuri with their walks already. enjoy the scenery. drink the air. clear your mind.
don't misunderstand though! yukkuri (according to me, anyway) is not the same as being lazy! if you stay at home all day mindlessly surfing the internet, watching movies, and what-have-you you're not being yukkuri. you're simply not doing anything at all.
yukkuri is doing and enjoying.
yukkuri is letting your day unfold.
yukkuri is living and being there for every moment.
of course, i tend to get a bit silly with it. i'm yukkuri in the bathroom (at least at home i am), and i think my body thanks me for it. i'm yukkuri in going places (as often as i have the luxury to leave early enough). but sometimes that's just my excuse for being slow to get ready, when in reality i'm dawdling.
i don't like rushing and being rushed. yukkuri could be the best thing ever. i just need to learn not to be lazy and procrastinate.
like that'll ever happen. ^0^
a: what'd you do yesterday?about two weeks ago, on my way back from kyoto (details on that) i stopped in tokyo to hang out with a friend for a few days. i was really travel weary and in no mood for shopping, sightseeing, clubbing or any other sort of normal fun city activity. so we just had a yukkuri day.
b: just took it easy. i've been so stressed lately—it was nice to just relax.
here's an outline of the day:
• mild sleeping in
• made general plans for the day
• set off at some point
• two-hour lunch (we had myanmar food. sooooo good!)—long for conversation, not over-eating
• stroll around waseda campus and nearby gardens
• 90 minutes of daytime karaoke
• shopping for dinner and ice cream ingredients
• few hours of shiritori (a japanese word game) over dinner
• home made ice cream!
• shower before bed
food is a must for yukkuri-ization. savor it! if you're with company savor the conversation too. good things shouldn't be rushed. strolls are great too. unless you're out for a power-walk, i think most people are very yukkuri with their walks already. enjoy the scenery. drink the air. clear your mind.
don't misunderstand though! yukkuri (according to me, anyway) is not the same as being lazy! if you stay at home all day mindlessly surfing the internet, watching movies, and what-have-you you're not being yukkuri. you're simply not doing anything at all.
yukkuri is doing and enjoying.
yukkuri is letting your day unfold.
yukkuri is living and being there for every moment.
of course, i tend to get a bit silly with it. i'm yukkuri in the bathroom (at least at home i am), and i think my body thanks me for it. i'm yukkuri in going places (as often as i have the luxury to leave early enough). but sometimes that's just my excuse for being slow to get ready, when in reality i'm dawdling.
i don't like rushing and being rushed. yukkuri could be the best thing ever. i just need to learn not to be lazy and procrastinate.
like that'll ever happen. ^0^
Sunday, September 4, 2011
untitled - but still subtitled!
another ex just got married. booooo!
i think i'd find it more amusing if i weren't in a weird place emotionally right now. amusing? don't i sound smug.
and was that a bit too leading?—weird place emotionally. i'll have to write about it now, won't i?
==PAUSE==
what's too private to blog about? i volunteer a good deal of personal information, though i think i've been pretty careful about mentioning other people's names. i do it on occasion, but only when i think nobody stands to be harmed by being named.
i've been pretty happy with my level of intimacy in blogging, but lately i've been finding it hard to write. i second guess some things as being "not interesting enough to share", some i think "it'd be pretty obvious who i'd be talking about here...and there's a high probability they'd read this", and everything else has just been too hard to put to words.
but today i'm gonna be a bit more forthcoming. and there's no way that this is not a good idea.
(i think the emotions have taken over)
==UNPAUSE==
i've got the blues. and i have some theories as to why:
1) lack of stability in life for the last month
this one's obvious. no work. 9 days in the states. 5 days in kyoto. 2 days in tokyo. staying over at friends' houses. day trips to nearby cities. being absolutely skint for most of the month. (i think i'm turning english @_@)
2) unrequited love
nobody likes a moaner, so i'll be brief with this one. i'm somewhere between like, love, and major crush with a really good friend of mine. being apart and being together both come with their own brand of emotional trauma.
3) poor diet
maybe this should fall under the "lack of stability" category as well. eating binges, fasting, periodic heavy drinking, random intense caffeine episodes, and a lot of fast food. it's been tapering off, but i think i'm still in the wake of it all.
4) lack of therapy
i haven't seen a therapist since april-ish. and i don't decompress as often as i should.
5) growing feeling of letting myself down
in multiple ways—poor time-management, no progress with my acting ambitions, not keeping in decent contact with friends and family, transition slow-down, not getting any better at japanese...
so which one is it?
silly question. it's all of them together, of course.
and i just got a kick-in-the-groin email that actually had me entertain the idea of cutting off ties with the sender. i doubt i actually will. no, in fact i won't. it's a little embarrassing to admit this, but part of the reason i don't want to get nasty in my response is because i think he'd get self-satisfied if i did. so i'm going to be civil out of spite. somewhat. :-/
my plan for getting out of this ditch (i'm making this up as i go):
• go to bed tonight within 2 hours (so i have until 1:01 am)
• take a shower before that
• have good tunes at the ready
• resume my tofu breakfasts
• start studying/reviewing japanese junior high level kanji
• do some more 101 shit (like the facebook fast?)
• go to the laser clinic
yeah, i gotta pee. so that's all the list we're gonna have.
was i even that brutally honest? just seems like a normal post, looking back at it. oh well :(
i think i'd find it more amusing if i weren't in a weird place emotionally right now. amusing? don't i sound smug.
and was that a bit too leading?—weird place emotionally. i'll have to write about it now, won't i?
==PAUSE==
what's too private to blog about? i volunteer a good deal of personal information, though i think i've been pretty careful about mentioning other people's names. i do it on occasion, but only when i think nobody stands to be harmed by being named.
i've been pretty happy with my level of intimacy in blogging, but lately i've been finding it hard to write. i second guess some things as being "not interesting enough to share", some i think "it'd be pretty obvious who i'd be talking about here...and there's a high probability they'd read this", and everything else has just been too hard to put to words.
but today i'm gonna be a bit more forthcoming. and there's no way that this is not a good idea.
(i think the emotions have taken over)
==UNPAUSE==
i've got the blues. and i have some theories as to why:
1) lack of stability in life for the last month
this one's obvious. no work. 9 days in the states. 5 days in kyoto. 2 days in tokyo. staying over at friends' houses. day trips to nearby cities. being absolutely skint for most of the month. (i think i'm turning english @_@)
2) unrequited love
nobody likes a moaner, so i'll be brief with this one. i'm somewhere between like, love, and major crush with a really good friend of mine. being apart and being together both come with their own brand of emotional trauma.
3) poor diet
maybe this should fall under the "lack of stability" category as well. eating binges, fasting, periodic heavy drinking, random intense caffeine episodes, and a lot of fast food. it's been tapering off, but i think i'm still in the wake of it all.
4) lack of therapy
i haven't seen a therapist since april-ish. and i don't decompress as often as i should.
5) growing feeling of letting myself down
in multiple ways—poor time-management, no progress with my acting ambitions, not keeping in decent contact with friends and family, transition slow-down, not getting any better at japanese...
so which one is it?
silly question. it's all of them together, of course.
and i just got a kick-in-the-groin email that actually had me entertain the idea of cutting off ties with the sender. i doubt i actually will. no, in fact i won't. it's a little embarrassing to admit this, but part of the reason i don't want to get nasty in my response is because i think he'd get self-satisfied if i did. so i'm going to be civil out of spite. somewhat. :-/
my plan for getting out of this ditch (i'm making this up as i go):
• go to bed tonight within 2 hours (so i have until 1:01 am)
• take a shower before that
• have good tunes at the ready
• resume my tofu breakfasts
• start studying/reviewing japanese junior high level kanji
• do some more 101 shit (like the facebook fast?)
• go to the laser clinic
yeah, i gotta pee. so that's all the list we're gonna have.
was i even that brutally honest? just seems like a normal post, looking back at it. oh well :(
Sunday, August 28, 2011
an 11-part montage of sami's last five weeks
maybe you've noticed.
maybe you haven't.
i'm a bit behind on my blogging.
but all your patience pays off right now because i have LOTS i want to write about, and OODLES of pictures to show.
so without further ado, i give you...
part 1: size
34-30-39.
i don't know what i was before starting hormones, but if i were to guess, i'd say 32-30-36.
according to wikipedia, the ideal healthy waist to hip ratio for women is 0.7, and for men is 0.9. i'm at 0.77. i can't help but feel a little shapely.
::blush::
part 2: my last attempt at a blog entry
"i'm about to finish an 800g block of gouda. i'm down to the last three slices. ugh, i'm gonna vomit."
to learn more, please check my latest vlog (youtube link on the left, yo)!
part 3: cheese follow-up
while i was back in the states earlier this month, i attempted to eat a 1lb block of kraft sharp cheddar. i finished about 80% of it and had to bail because i needed to get in a kayak and paddle with vigor. if i had continued eating the cheese, i still wouldn't have counted it because it just wouldn't seem like "one sitting".
so yeah. cheese fail #2.
part 4: the mountain behind my house
there's a "mountain" behind my house (yet in front of my front door?)!
so i like to climb it.
from my front door to the gazebo at the top takes about 1 hour at a relaxed, but steady pace.
the really cool thing? five minutes out my front door and i'm in the middle of the woods.
and these woods are pretty cool. made only cooler by weird concrete designs:
and cool highway underpasses:
the main trail from my area splits into multiple trails in the middle of the woods. both trails are super cool (and get super steep near the end). why are they super cool? because you burst out of the woods only to find yourself at the top of one of two hills—both with amazing views. it's really cool to have the sky open like that after a healthy jaunt under a dense canopy.
the gazebo is a great place to just sit and gaze out at the entire city and the ocean. here, take a look (8 shots facing 8 directions, paired in twos for better viewing pleasure):
NE / E:
SE / S:
SW / W:
NW / N:
i love how green japan is!
part 5: kyoto?
yes. i meant for that question mark to be there. why?
exhibit a:
ok, i was actually sober and awake for most of the trip. i did some really fun things including:
• 伏見稲荷大社 "fushimi inari taisha"—a huge shrine with a shit-ton of red gates (2 pictures below)
• walking around 三条 "sanjo"—a covered shopping street
• cycling from kyoto station to 鞍馬 "kurama" to go to an onsen (hot spring)—16 km
• walking around the imperial palace grounds
• general cycling around town
• cosplay karaoke!!! (picture below)
photo evidence of holiday sobriety:
in one of these three pictures i wasn't sober.
any guesses?
(^o^)
part 6: 101 in 1001
right. so i already mentioned the cheese fail.
but the successes?
• i watched the social network, up, little miss sunshine, and crash. movie progess 5/56
• i rode my bike drunk
• i read 星の王子様 ("le petit prince" in japanese). japanese novels 1/5
• i went to 2 new bars (tanya and rising sun—both in hitachi). new bars 2/20
• i sang two david bowie songs at karaoke ("space oddity" and "star man").
• i swallowed a piece of gum as i hiked the mountain behind my house (it's called 助川山 "sukegawa-yama" by the way).
and here are the almosts:
• i may or may not have won a staring contest. i can't rightly remember.
• i made avocado ice cream. oh how easily i could have turned that into a milkshake! if only i had been thinking. it was very delicious and creamy, btw.
part 7: ultimate
i played ultimate frisbee today.
part 8: exploring hitachi
one day i set out on my bike to explore this city i live in. i got sunburned. what a fool.
here are some pics:
look underneath the crane. what do you see? the gazebo on top of my "mountain"!
this pier is visible in the east-view shot from the gazebo.
the coast!
now admittedly, i had been to this pier/beach before. i cut through a lot of unknown neighborhoods on my way though. ready for more? it doesn't matter!
i'm a big fan of undisturbed nature. but this is kinda cool. and this is not the same beach, just so you know.
this is a cliff.
i am now on top of the cliff but a little further south.
unfortunately, the city is too big to adequately explore in one day. i think i'll explore a bit more when it gets cooler.
p.s. the second beach area (the last three pictures) are on the coast just north of hitachi station. google map it!
part 9: rethinking some parts of 101 in 1001
the blog weekly / vlog monthly goals are now impossible having missed over a month of both. so instead, i'll keep the overall goal number the same and have the weekly/monthly thing be a suggestion since it would help keep me on track.
part 10: painful choices
they suck. we don't really choose who we fall for, do we? but what if you fall for a friend? would you risk that friendship to see if it could become something more?
it's nice to be in love for a change (i thought i was becoming an asexual robot!). it is what it is, and willing myself out of it was both incredibly painful and ultimately unsuccessful. fingers crossed that i can enjoy emotional stability while in the throes of a love i may never confess. haha, really?
baka.
part 11: reflection
has this truly been the longest fucking blog post ever?
that i've written? yes.
that i've read? yes.
so in my reality (which you've willingly immersed yourself in) the answer is yes. this is the longest fucking blog post ever. thanks for reading!
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